# The Quiet

**Jack Abbott**

*Daughters of Andromeda — Book One*

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## Part One — Full Text

### I. The Height of the World

Aventhal took its fog off the bay in the hour before dawn and gave it back by ten, most days of the year, and had done so for as long as anyone had been keeping count, which was a little over four thousand years.

The city climbed. That was the first thing anyone said about it and the only thing everyone agreed on. It went up from the water in terraces the color of wet sand, street above street above street, until the last of it stopped at the ridgeline and looked back down at itself. On a clear morning you could stand at the top of the Ammery Steps and see the whole of it laid out below — the harbor, the old quarter, the long green line of the shore road running north — and beyond all of that, out past the headland where the water turned the deep blue that meant depth, the promontory.

Corran Vayr had been out there for two thousand years. It had been a monastery, then a shipyard office, then a school for the children of shipyard men, and then, gradually and without anyone deciding it, the finest research university on the planet. Its buildings were pale and low and did not look like much from the city. That was intentional. Everything at the Vayr that mattered was underneath.

At six that morning a ship went up from the yards at Hessen Point, which was nine miles south and visible from most of Aventhal on a clear day. It made no sound anyone could hear. It rose slowly for perhaps four seconds, and then it was not rising, and then it was not there — and the people on the shore road who had stopped to watch went back to walking, because ships went up from Hessen Point eleven times a day and had done all their lives.

It was the finest morning of the finest year of the finest age Sethal had ever known. Nobody said that at the time. You don't.

· · ·

Vaelith Sorin came out to the promontory in her father's car, which was a mistake, and she knew it was a mistake about two miles before they arrived.

The car was not showy. Vaedom Sorin had never in his life owned anything showy; his whole political method was the appearance of a man who had not thought about the impression he was making. But it was *known*, in the way a particular gray coat is known, and every steward on the intake road turned to look at it, and by the time it came to a stop she had already decided that she would be walking back down.

"You'll want to see the water side before the light goes," her father said. "There's a path along the south wall. Your mother liked it."

He said things like that occasionally, without warning, and then moved on before you could do anything with them.

"I'll find it."

"Novi sent something." He handed her a flat parcel wrapped badly, in the way of a person who had wrapped it herself and enjoyed doing it. "She wanted me to say she isn't sulking about not coming."

"She's sulking."

"She's sulking enormously." He almost smiled. Then he checked the time, which he did roughly every ninety seconds, and the almost went out of it. "Vaed," she said, before he could speak, because she knew what the checking meant. "Go. It's fine."

He put his hand on the side of her face for a moment, which was as much as he ever did, and then he was in the car and the car was going back down the intake road, and Vaelith Sorin stood on the gravel outside the finest university on Sethal with a badly wrapped parcel under one arm and no idea at all what she was going to do with the next four years.

· · ·

The intake hall was a long stone room with high windows on the sea side, and it was full of eighteen-year-olds pretending to be calm.

The system was simple and had not changed in six hundred years. You gave your name at one of four tables. Your name was found. You were told which house had taken you and where to go. The whole thing took ninety seconds and there was a queue for it that stretched out of the door and along the wall, and the queue was the actual point, because it was where you met everybody.

Val had been in it for eleven minutes when the parcel started to slip.

"Here—"

A hand came in from her left and caught it before it went. Not a careful hand. A fast one.

"Thank you."

"Put it under the other arm, you've got a bag on that side." The girl said it without much interest, already looking past her at something further up the queue, and then handed the parcel back and shifted her own bag onto her shoulder in a single easy motion, like someone who had carried a great many things a great many miles.

She was Val's height, which was not common. Dark hair pulled back and coming loose from it. Sun on her, the kind you get outdoors over a long summer rather than in an afternoon. She looked, Val thought, like she had been up for hours and had already done something.

"You're first year," the girl said.

"So are you."

"Sure. But I'm first year and I know where I'm going." She grinned. It transformed her face and it was, Val would think later, an entirely unfair thing to be able to do. "Kyra Davan."

"Vaelith Sorin."

And nothing happened.

That was all. Nothing happened. The girl said "Vaelith" the way you repeat a name you intend to remember, and looked back up the queue, and asked whether Val knew if the tables were alphabetical or not, because she couldn't tell from here.

Val did not answer.

She was eighteen years old and she had never once, in her entire life, said her name to a stranger on Sethal and had nothing happen. Not once. Not in a shop, not at the coast, not at any of the four hundred functions she had stood at the edge of in a good dress since she was nine. The name did something to people's faces. She had spent most of her adolescence resenting it — the small correction in the shoulders, the recalculation, the sudden careful courtesy of someone deciding what she might be worth to them.

She had wanted, more than nearly anything, to be somewhere it didn't happen.

And it hadn't happened, and she had waited for it.

She had waited about two seconds too long, and she knew exactly how long two seconds was, and worst of all — *worst* of all — the other girl had seen her do it.

She watched it land. Kyra Davan's eyebrows went up very slightly, and something moved behind her face, and whatever conclusion she came to she came to it fast.

"Sorry," Kyra said pleasantly. "Was that supposed to mean something to me?"

There were perhaps nine things Val could have said. Most of them were true. *No,* for a start. Or: *I hoped it wouldn't.* Or the actual thing, which was *I have wanted my whole life to meet someone who didn't know, and I have just discovered I am not the person I thought I was, and I would very much like to go home.*

What she said, in the voice her father used at hearings, was: "Not if you're not from here."

It was quiet. It was perfectly polite. It took about a second and a half.

Kyra's grin did not go away, which was somehow worse than if it had. She looked at Val for a moment with her head very slightly tilted, the way you look at a piece of equipment that has just made an unexpected noise.

"Right," she said. "Good luck with the table."

And she stepped out of the queue and went up the hall to talk to somebody else, and did not look back, and eleven minutes later Val heard her laughing from forty feet away.

· · ·

At the table they found her name at once, the way they always did.

"Polaris," the steward said, and then, catching himself, warmly: "Of course. Welcome, Miss Sorin."

"Thank you."

She took the south path afterward, along the sea wall, because he had told her to and because she did not want to go and find her rooms yet. The fog was long gone. The water below the wall was very clear and very cold-looking and went down further than she could follow.

She thought about the parcel from Novi, still unopened under her arm.

She thought about the fact that she had gone eleven minutes without a single person knowing who she was, and had hated it, and would now have to spend some indeterminate amount of time working out what that meant about her.

And she thought, with a precision that surprised her: *I did not have to say that.*

Out past the headland a second ship went up from Hessen Point, silent, unhurried, ordinary as a bird.

Neither of them, afterward, could ever explain it properly. Kyra would say the other girl had looked at her like a servant who had spoken first. Val would say — on the rare occasions she said anything at all — that it had been a bad morning and she had been rude, and leave out the rest, because the rest was worse.

They were eighteen. Between them they had, at that point, something under forty years of life.

They had four hundred and nineteen more coming, and every single one of those years would have the other one in it.

*— end of chapter one —*

### II. Polaris and Solara

Polaris House had been founded eleven hundred years earlier by a woman who believed that the governing of a world was a craft like any other and ought to be taught like one, and it had spent the intervening eleven centuries becoming almost entirely unlike what she had in mind.

It was beautiful. Val would give it that. It occupied the eastern range of the Vayr, three stories of pale stone around a courtyard with an old ilex in the middle of it, and the rooms on the upper floor looked north up the coast to where you could just make out the smudge of Aventhal on a clear evening. Her rooms were on the upper floor. She had not asked for the upper floor.

"They put you in Marden," said the girl in the corridor, with feeling. "They *put you in Marden.* I've been trying to get a Marden room since the letter came and I'm two doors down and around a corner, which is a completely different thing, and I want you to know I've decided not to hold it against you."

"That seems generous."

"It's the only decision available to me. Sarai Kest." She put out a hand, and then, when Val took it, held on a beat longer than necessary and said, more quietly and with real curiosity, "Is it strange? Everyone knowing?"

It was the first honest question anyone had asked her all day.

"Yes," Val said.

"I thought it might be." Sarai let go. "Right. Dinner's at seven and they seat first years by house rank, which is barbaric, and you'll be near the top, which is also barbaric, and I'm going to sit as close to you as I can get away with because I'm shameless. Bring something to say about the shore road bill."

She was gone before Val could ask what the shore road bill was.

Val stood in the doorway of a room she had not asked for and looked at the north window for a while. Then she sat down on the end of the bed and unwrapped Novi's parcel, which she had been carrying around all day like something she was afraid of.

It was a kelith. Carved, badly, out of a piece of pale wood, about the size of her thumb — the flat head, the low body, the tail folded round the way they folded them when they were sleeping. Novi had never carved anything in her life. It had clearly taken her weeks and she had clearly enjoyed every minute of it and it was, objectively, terrible.

There was no note. Novi had known there didn't need to be one.

Val put it on the windowsill, where it stayed for the next four years.

· · ·

Solara had no house rank, seated nobody by anything, and served dinner in a hall with the acoustics of a stone drum, so that eating there was less a meal than a weather event.

Kyra loved it immediately and without reservation.

"—no, but the *limit*," said the boy on her left, who had been talking for eleven minutes without appearing to breathe. "That's the thing nobody explains properly to you before you get here. Everyone thinks it's a power problem. It isn't a power problem. You could put six times the power through a fold and you would get exactly the same range, that's the — sorry, are you eating? I can stop."

"I can do both."

"Most people can't." He said it without any irony whatsoever. He was thin and slightly hunched, with the specific pallor of a person who had spent a beautiful summer indoors, and his hands moved constantly while he talked, sketching folds in the air above his plate. "Ilen Vosse."

"Kyra Davan."

The girl across the table looked up. "Davan," she said. "As in — the Daels? That Davan?"

And there it was, on the first night, before the plates had been cleared.

"Four thousand years back, through about nine marriages," Kyra said easily. "It's the sort of thing that sounds a lot better than it is. I can't get a table anywhere."

They laughed, and moved on, and it cost her about what it always cost her, which was not much and was not nothing.

Ilen Vosse had not laughed. He was looking at her with an expression of undisguised, uncomplicated envy.

"You're descended from Sorren Dael," he said.

"Apparently."

"He got further than anybody. Ever. Nobody has ever worked out how." He put his fork down, which she would learn was the most serious thing he ever did. "Everyone says he made a mistake. I don't think he made a mistake. I think he did something on purpose and then couldn't tell anyone about it."

"Because he was dead."

"Because he was somewhere," Ilen said. "Which is different."

Somewhere above them the hall's terrible acoustics took two hundred conversations and folded them into one enormous meaningless roar, and Kyra Davan, who was eighteen and happier than she had been in a year, thought that she was going to like it here very much.

· · ·

The all-house address was on the fourth evening, in the assembly hall, and it was long. Afterward everyone spilled out into the west courtyard in the blue part of the dusk and nobody went to bed for three hours, and that — not the address — was the actual induction into Corran Vayr.

Val found herself at the edge of a group of nine or ten, mostly Polaris, some not. Sarai was in the middle of it, holding court on the shore road bill, about which Val now knew a great deal more than she wanted to.

Then somebody's cousin came up, and there was news from the city, and the subject changed the way subjects do.

"—took the quiet," the cousin was saying. "Four days before. Four days. And Sennet had to stand up in front of the Assembly the next morning and act as though it were a scheduling matter."

"Half of Aventhal takes the quiet."

"Half of Aventhal isn't a Sennet."

"So what, there's one rule for—"

"There is *obviously* one rule for, don't be a child."

Laughter. Somebody said something about the parade that Val didn't catch, and somebody else said something back about people who needed an audience to get through their own biology, and the group did that thing groups do where the cruelty gets funnier as it gets less specific.

And a voice out of the dark on the other side said, without heat:

"It isn't about the audience."

Val knew the voice before she placed the face.

"It's about being answerable," Kyra said. She was leaning against the courtyard wall with her arms folded, and she did not appear to be arguing so much as correcting a small factual error. "You do it in front of the people who raised you. That's the whole of it. If you can't do it in front of them, I'd want to know what it is you think you're doing."

"That's easy to say," someone said, "when your family's entire reputation is doing things properly."

There was a small silence.

"Yes," Kyra said. "It is. That's fair."

And it defused, because she let it, and the conversation slid off into something else within about forty seconds.

Val had not said a word.

She had, at that point in her life, no opinion on the matter at all. She had not thought about it seriously for longer than a minute. It was a thing that happened to people, and it would happen to her at some point, and there were arrangements in place because there were always arrangements in place, and she had filed the entire subject somewhere behind the shore road bill.

That would change in eleven weeks.

She looked up and found Kyra Davan looking at her across the courtyard — not with hostility. With something more like assessment. The look of someone who had noticed which person in a loud group had stayed silent, and had filed it away, and would remember.

Neither of them nodded. Neither of them looked away first, either, which took longer than it should have and was noticed by nobody else at all.

*— end of chapter two —*

### III. Something Coming

It began, as it began for everyone, with sleep going wrong.

Not insomnia. Val could sleep. She simply arrived at sleep from a slightly different direction than she was used to, and woke at four most mornings with the absolute clarity of someone who had been awake for an hour and had not noticed. She lay in the Marden room in the dark with the north window gray at the edges and listened to the sea moving against the promontory two hundred feet below, and she knew, the way you know a person is standing behind you, that her cycle had begun to turn.

Everyone told you it was unmistakable. Everyone was right. She had assumed — the way you assume about anything that has only ever happened to other people — that there would be some ambiguity to it, some period of wondering. There was none. It was less like a symptom than like a date being read out.

What nobody had prepared her for was how *early* it announced itself. Months. You got months of it, months of your own body clearing its throat, and in that time you were expected to go on attending lectures and eating dinner and having opinions about the shore road bill.

She told no one. There was no rule against telling. Half of Polaris would have been delighted for her; it was ordinary, it was expected, it was the sort of thing that got announced cheerfully at breakfast.

She could not have said, then or later, why the idea of announcing it made her want to walk into the sea.

· · ·

Two hundred yards west, in a house with no rankings and terrible acoustics, Kyra Davan signed up for cross-country because there was a list on a wall and she liked lists on walls.

"You've never done it," Ilen said.

"I've run my whole life."

"That's not the same as—"

"Ilen, I once ran eleven miles alongside a herd because I wanted to see how far I could get before they lost me." She wrote her name in the second column and stood back to look at it. "I want to know if I'm any good at it or if I've just been enjoying myself."

"What if you're not any good at it?"

"Then I'll be bad at it publicly, in front of everybody, and that'll be that." She said it entirely without dread, which Ilen found so alien that he thought about it for the rest of the evening.

The captain that year was a fourth-year called Rhone Tellis, who had the permanently exhausted patience of a man managing thirty people who all believed they were the exception. He looked at Kyra's name, and then at Kyra, and asked her how far she'd run in one go.

"Eleven miles."

"When?"

"I was nine."

Rhone Tellis looked at her for a moment longer.

"Six o'clock," he said. "Don't be late, don't be sick on the path, and don't tell me about the herd."

· · ·

The thing about Sarai Kest was that she was never unkind. That was what made it worse, afterward, and it was also the reason Val never quite managed to hold it against her.

They were walking back along the east range in the late afternoon, eleven days into the term, and Sarai was doing what Sarai did, which was relay everything her mother had written to her as though it were a service she performed for the general good.

"—and she's furious about the Emmery appointment, obviously, everyone is. Oh — and she says congratulations, which I'm supposed to pass on formally and I'm doing it now, informally, on a path, so you'll have to imagine it in a better setting."

"Congratulations for what?"

"For the—" Sarai stopped walking. "For Casse."

Val stood very still.

She would go on standing very still for the rest of her life, in rooms on three continents of a planet she had not yet heard of, and this was the first time, and she felt it arrive in her like something clicking into a socket that had been waiting for it.

"Teor Casse," Sarai said. Her voice had changed. "The — Val. Oh. Oh, no."

"Go on."

"I'm not going to—"

"Sarai. Go on."

Sarai Kest, who was eighteen and had never in her life been the person who had to say a thing like this, said it. "The arrangement. Your father and Vosen Casse. It's — my mother had it from the Casses in the spring, everyone's had it since the spring, it's not a *secret*, it's just—"

"Not a secret," Val said.

"I assumed you knew. Everyone assumed you knew. You *are* the—" She stopped. "I'm going to stop talking now."

"That would be good."

They walked the rest of the way in silence, and at the door of the east range Sarai touched her arm, briefly, and Val let her, and neither of them ever mentioned the conversation again.

· · ·

She reached her father that evening. It took an hour to get through, because it always did, and when the link finally came up he was somewhere with a window behind him and other people's voices in the room and he had eleven minutes.

"Vaelith. Is something wrong?"

"Teor Casse."

There was a pause of perhaps two seconds, and in those two seconds she watched her father — a man who had spent thirty years not being surprised in public — be surprised.

"You've been told."

"I've been congratulated."

"Ah." He shut his eyes briefly. "That's badly done. That's very badly done and I'm sorry for it."

"When."

"The spring."

"Before the Vayr."

"Yes."

"I have been here eleven days," Val said, "and every person in this house has known longer than I have."

"Yes." He did not defend it. That was the worst part; she had come to the link with an argument assembled and he simply took the whole thing without resistance, the way he took everything, and left her holding it. "I intended to tell you at midsummer and then the session ran and I thought — I genuinely thought, Vaelith, that you understood how these things sit. Not the specifics. The shape of them. You've watched it your whole life."

"I've watched it happen to other people."

"Yes," her father said. "That is generally how one watches."

Somebody behind him said his name. He raised a hand without turning round, and the hand meant *one moment*, and it was a gesture she had been watching from doorways since she was four years old.

"He's a decent boy," Vaedom said. "That is not nothing. I want you to know I did not treat it as nothing."

"Did you ask me?"

"No."

"Would you have?"

Her father looked at her for a moment across two hundred miles of coastline, and she saw him consider the honest answer and then, because he was a good man and a poor liar and had never once in his life dressed something up for her, give it.

"I don't know," he said.

The link closed. She sat on the end of the bed in a room she had not asked for and did not move for a long time.

· · ·

Novi's letter came four days later. It was six pages long and had been written in at least three sittings, and about a third of it was a diagram of the seating for her own parade, which was set for the following spring and which she had been planning since roughly the age of eleven.

She had questions. She had a great many questions, all of them delivered in the tone of one professional consulting another.

*Are you nervous yet? Everyone says you get nervous about six weeks out and then it goes. Mother's cousin said it's like the night before a long journey, which I thought was lovely, but she also said it about a house move, so possibly she just says it.*

*Also, and don't be cross — I met him. Teor. He came with his father to the spring thing and he is exactly as advertised, which I know is not the highest praise in the world, but he asked me three questions about myself and listened to all three answers, which is more than the last two did. I liked him. I am not going to apologize for liking him.*

*Write and tell me you're not doing the thing where you go quiet.*

Val read it twice. Then she put it in the drawer with the others and went and stood at the north window, where the light was going out over the water and the coast ran away toward a city she could not see from here.

On the sill, badly carved, the kelith slept with its tail folded round.

She had thought, all those mornings at four o'clock, that the thing coming toward her was inside her — that it was hers, at least, whatever else it was.

It turned out there were two of them.

And they had agreed on a date without her.

*— end of chapter three —*

### IV. The Arrangement

The Sorin house stood on the eighth terrace, four streets up from the water, and had been in the family since before there was a family worth speaking of.

It was narrow and deep and older than most of the street, and its best feature was a long room on the second floor with windows down one whole side, so that on a clear evening the light came in off the bay and lay across the floor in a slab you could stand in. When Val was small she had believed this room was where things were decided. She had been entirely right, and it had taken her until about the age of fifteen to understand that being right about it was not the same as being included.

She came down from the promontory on the Fifthday coach and walked up from the harbour because she wanted the walk, and Novi came out of the door before she reached it.

"You're thinner."

"I'm not."

"You're thinner and you've done something joyless to your hair." Novi took her bag off her shoulder without asking and had already turned around with it. "Everything's mad. There are people in the kitchen. Father's been home since noon, which he never is, and he keeps *looking* at things, and I've had to be charming at two separate deliveries. Did you get my letter?"

"I got your letter."

"You didn't write back."

"I got it four days ago."

"Vaelith." Novi stopped in the hall and turned round, and for a moment she was not sixteen and delighted; she was something older and considerably more difficult to lie to. "You didn't write back."

"No," Val said. "I didn't."

Novi looked at her for a second and a half. Then she made a decision that Val watched her make — the decision to let it go for now, because there were people in the kitchen — and it was so exactly like something Kyra Davan had done in a courtyard eleven days earlier that Val nearly said so out loud, and then could not have explained why.

· · ·

The Casses arrived at seven.

Vosen Casse was a wide, cheerful, genuinely warm man who had made a great deal of money in shipping before he made a career in the Assembly, and who laughed easily and often and slightly too loudly for the room. He embraced Vaedom. He took both of Val's hands and told her that he had heard entirely too much about her and expected all of it to be true, and she liked him, and hated that she liked him.

And behind him, in a good coat, stood a young man of nineteen with his hands at his sides.

Teor Casse was tall and slightly too thin for his frame, with dark hair combed with real effort and an expression of such careful neutrality that it was obvious he had been working on it in a mirror. He came forward when his father moved aside. He said, "Vaelith," and then appeared to run out of prepared material entirely.

"Teor."

"I'm—" He stopped. Started again. "It's a good house."

"It's a narrow house."

"It's a good *narrow* house," he said, with the faintest desperation, and Novi laughed, and the awful moment broke, and they went in to dinner.

· · ·

It was, by every measure available, a pleasant evening.

That was the thing Val could never get anyone to understand afterward, on the rare occasions she tried. There was no cruelty in that room. Nobody was cold to her. Nobody spoke over her or about her as though she were furniture. Her father asked her twice about the Vayr and listened to both answers. Vosen Casse told a long story about a cargo of glass and a harbourmaster that was actually funny. Novi was radiant.

And underneath it, running steadily the whole evening like water under ice, was the fact that two men had agreed something in the spring and everyone at the table was pleased about it.

Val said very little. She was good at saying very little; she had been trained in it the way other children were trained in an instrument. She answered what she was asked, and she laughed in the right places, and once or twice she caught Novi glancing at her down the table with an expression that was beginning to sharpen into something.

After the plates went, the two fathers went up to the long room with the windows, and Novi was sent to find something, and it was done so smoothly that Val did not realize for several seconds that she and Teor Casse had been left alone on purpose.

· · ·

They went out to the step at the back, because it was that or the front room.

The garden was eleven feet of gravel and a wall. Above the wall, the terrace behind rose up in lit windows, and above that another, and above that the ridgeline, and over all of it the sky had gone the deep clean blue it went in autumn before the fog came back.

Teor sat down on the step with his elbows on his knees, which put him lower than her, and she understood after a moment that he had done it deliberately.

"I'm going to say a thing badly," he said. "I've been trying to work out how to say it for about four months and I've concluded there isn't a good way, so I'm going to say it badly and you can do what you like with it."

"All right."

"I wasn't asked either."

Val turned and looked at him.

"I found out in the spring, from my father, in a corridor, on his way somewhere." Teor was watching the wall. "He was very pleased. He'd been trying to arrange something with your family for two years and I don't think he ever considered that I might have — I don't know. An opinion. Or that I'd want to be the one to tell you. Which I did want. I asked. He said your father would handle it and I assumed for four months that he had."

"He hadn't."

"No. I gathered that about eleven seconds after I came through your door." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry. Not for the arrangement — I'm not going to stand here and apologize for existing at you. For the way you found out. That was ours to do properly and we made a hash of it."

"That's more than anyone else has said."

"Well," Teor said. "The bar's on the floor."

She almost laughed. That was the beginning of the trouble.

He turned round then, and looked up at her, and said the rest of it — and this was the part she would carry, this was the part that would still be sitting in her chest four hundred years later on a wet rock above a lake on the wrong side of the universe.

"I've had four months to think about it and I've decided I'm glad," he said. "Not because I've been told to be. Because I've watched my parents do it the arranged way and they're happy — actually happy, not politely happy — and I think the thing gets a bad name because everyone imagines the worst version of it. And because I've met you three times in my life and you were interesting every time and you have never once pretended to be pleased about anything, which I find restful."

"Teor—"

"I'm not finished, and I'll never get through it again." He said it quickly. "I know what it is. I know it's an arrangement between two men who wanted a thing. I'm not going to pretend it's a love story. But I think we could make something decent out of it, and I'd like to try, and if you tell me now that you don't want to, I will go into that house and tell them both that it was me. That I couldn't. That's — I've thought about it, and I can do that, and it costs me a great deal less than it costs you."

The gravel. The lit windows going up the hill. Somewhere three streets down, a bell on a boat.

And Vaelith Sorin sat on the back step of her father's house and understood, with perfect and horrible clarity, that she had just been offered the way out — and that she could not take it.

Because he had offered it *kindly*. Because he would go in there and lie for her and take it on himself, and everyone in that long room would forgive him within a year, and nobody would ever know it had been her. Because there was now no version of refusing that did not also mean letting a decent boy stand up and say a thing about himself that wasn't true.

He had meant it as a gift. It closed the last door in the house.

"Thank you," she said. "That was — thank you."

"Is that a no?"

"It's a thank you."

Teor Casse nodded slowly, and did not push, and that was somehow the worst thing he did all evening.

· · ·

She left on the first coach in the morning, before the house was properly up, and Novi caught her at the door in a nightdress with her hair everywhere.

"You're going."

"I've a lecture at ten."

"You have not." Novi stood in the doorway with her arms folded, and she was sixteen, and she was not fooled at all. "What did he say to you?"

"He was kind."

"That's not an answer, that's a—" Novi stopped. Something went across her face. "Val. That's not a bad thing. That's the good outcome. That's the one everyone hopes for."

"I know."

"Then why do you look like that?"

Val did not have an answer, then. She would spend a considerable portion of the next four centuries assembling one, and would never be satisfied with it, and would never say the true one aloud to anybody — which was that in the whole of that pleasant evening, in a house full of people who loved her, at a table where not one unkind word was spoken, she had wanted to get up and walk into the sea.

"Write to me," Novi said.

"I will."

She did not.

· · ·

Two hundred miles up the coast, at six o'clock that same morning, thirty runners came out onto the cliff path in the dark and the cold, and Rhone Tellis counted them and found he had thirty-one.

"Davan."

"Captain."

"You're not on the list for the long route."

"I know," Kyra said, already moving past him. "I put myself on it."

He watched her go up the path into the dark ahead of the pack, running easily, entirely happy, four months and eleven days from the worst morning of her young life.

"Right," said Rhone Tellis, to nobody.

*— end of chapter four —*

### V. The Quiet

The date came up from the two families in the eighth week, in a letter that was addressed to her and had plainly been drafted by somebody else.

Late spring. The Casse house, because it was larger. A list of names that ran to a hundred and six and was described as having been kept deliberately small. A note that the fitting could be done in Aventhal at her convenience or at the Vayr if that was easier, and that Novi had asked to be involved in the arrangements, and that they hoped this was agreeable.

It was, in every particular, agreeable.

Val read it twice at the north window and then put it in the drawer with Novi's letters and went to a lecture on isotopic drift, and took eleven pages of notes, and could not afterward remember a single word of it.

· · ·

Her cycle turned harder through the ninth and tenth weeks.

It was not pain. She wanted that understood, later, on the two or three occasions in four centuries when she came anywhere near speaking of it. Nothing hurt. It was more that her body had begun to make a case, patiently and continuously, the way water makes a case against a wall, and there was no part of the day when it was not making it.

She ran out of ways to not think about it somewhere in the tenth week.

The decision, when it came, was not a moment. She had always expected that a thing like that would arrive as a moment — that she would be standing somewhere and something would break open. It wasn't like that at all. It was more like noticing that she had already been walking in a particular direction for some time.

What she actually did was look it up.

That was all. On a Fourthday afternoon, in the reading room on the sea side, with the light coming in low across the tables and nine other people working within twenty feet of her, Vaelith Sorin looked up where in Aventhal one went, and how long it took, and what it cost, and whether one needed anything.

It took four minutes. There was a great deal of information. It was not hidden and it was not difficult and thousands of people did it every year, and the entire time she was reading it she was aware of her own hands being perfectly steady on the table, and of a feeling in her chest that she would not have called relief and could not have called anything else.

You did not need anything. You needed to be over eighteen. You were asked to bring someone if you could.

· · ·

She went down on the Fifthday coach and walked up from the harbour, the same walk she had made eleven weeks earlier, and turned left where she would have gone right.

It was on the fourth terrace, above a shop that sold lamps. There was nothing about the building to indicate what was in it. The stairs were clean and the room at the top had eleven chairs and a window looking out at the roof of the building opposite, and there were four other people already waiting, and one of them was reading, and one was asleep.

A woman at the desk asked her name.

"Vaelith Sorin."

The woman wrote it down.

That was all. She wrote it down the way you write down anything, and asked whether Val had eaten that morning, and did not look up, and did not straighten her shoulders, and did not do the small recalculation that Val had been watching people do since she was nine years old.

In the whole of Sethal there was exactly one kind of room where the name did nothing.

She had wanted that. She had wanted it more than nearly anything, for most of her life, and she had it now, in a waiting room above a lamp shop on the fourth terrace, and she sat down in one of the eleven chairs and put her hands flat on her knees and did not permit herself to make any sound at all.

"Is anyone waiting for you?" the woman asked, a little later. "You're welcome to have someone through."

"No."

"That's all right. It's just easier after, sometimes."

"There's no one," Val said.

It was not true. There were, at that moment, four people within two hundred miles who would have come immediately, at any hour, without asking a single question — and she had told none of them, and would tell none of them, and had known before she got on the coach that she would not.

· · ·

What happened in the next room took a little under two hours.

She never described it. Not to her father, not to Novi, not to the woman she would spend the following four hundred and nineteen years beside, not on the night in a hut in the Carpathians when they told each other everything else there was, and not on any of the ten thousand ordinary evenings afterward when it would have been the easiest thing in the world to say.

It is the one part of Vaelith Sorin's life about which there is no account.

· · ·

She came out at twenty past three into an ordinary afternoon.

The lamp shop was open. A boy went past on the terrace steps carrying too much. Down the hill the harbour was doing what the harbour did, and out past the headland the water was the flat pale color it went when the weather was about to turn, and it was all exactly as it had been at eleven o'clock that morning.

She felt well.

That was the thing. That was the thing nobody had told her and the thing she was least prepared for. The pressure that had been making its case since the fourth week was simply gone, cleanly, the way a sound stops. Her body was quiet. Her hands were steady. She stood on the fourth terrace above a shop that sold lamps and she felt better than she had felt in three months, and somewhere underneath that, in a place she would spend four centuries declining to look at directly, something had gone out like a light in a window.

She walked down to the water.

She sat on the harbour wall for about an hour, and she did not cry, and at half past four she got the coach back up the coast to the promontory and went to the sixth-hour meal in Polaris House and answered two questions about the shore road bill.

Nobody at that table knew. Nobody in that house knew. It would be four days before anyone did.

The last four days of her old life, and she spent them attending lectures.

*— end of chapter five —*

### VI. What a Sorin Does

It came out through a clerk.

That was the shape of it, in the end, and Val would think about that for a long time — that after eleven weeks of families and letters and a hundred and six names kept deliberately small, the thing was undone by a man in an office on the second terrace who had never met any of them.

A parade of that formality had to be lodged. It had always had to be lodged; it was a hundreds-of-years-old civil habit that nobody thought about, and it required, among nine other tedious things, a declaration that the cycle in question was unresolved. Vosen Casse's people filed on the Secondday. The declaration came back invalid on the Thirdday morning, with a line of text that was not unkind and not private and had been written by nobody in particular.

By noon the Casse house knew. By two, her father knew. By the evening meal it had reached Polaris House, two hundred miles up the coast, which was how Val learned that everyone had found out — not from a summons, not from a letter, but from the specific quality of a room going quieter when she walked into it.

She had not, in the end, told anybody. That was the last thing she had been able to control and she had held it right to the end, and it turned out to have been worth nothing at all.

· · ·

Her father came up the coast himself, which he had not done once in the term.

They walked the south path along the sea wall, because he asked to, and for the first quarter mile he said nothing whatsoever. Vaedom Sorin walked the way he did everything: at a moderate pace, with his hands behind his back, looking at what was in front of him.

"The Casses have withdrawn," he said eventually. "Formally, this morning. Vosen was decent about it. He didn't have to be."

"I know."

"There will be a period now where a number of people say a number of things. Some of it will reach you here. Most of it will be about me and will be phrased as being about you." He said this without any self-pity at all, as a man describing weather. "You will find that the ones who are kindest to your face are the ones repeating it. That is not a reason to be cold to them. It is a reason not to be surprised."

"Father—"

"I'm going to ask you one question," Vaedom said, "and then I am not going to raise this again, and I want you to understand before I ask it that I have thought carefully about which question to ask."

They stopped. Below the wall the water went down and down, very clear, very cold.

"Were you unwell?"

And there it was. Laid out for her, in the open, with both hands. *Say yes.* There was a version of the next four hundred years in which she said yes — in which there had been a difficulty, a complication, a matter of health, regrettable and private and nobody's business; in which her father went back down the coast with something he could say to people; in which the whole thing became a sadness instead of a scandal, and the Casses were gracious, and Novi was gently told not to ask.

He was not asking whether she had been unwell. He was offering to believe it.

"No," Val said.

Her father looked out at the water for perhaps four seconds.

"I see," he said.

He never raised it again. Not that year, not in the seventy that followed, not on the morning she left the world for good. He kept his word exactly, the way he kept every word he ever gave her, and she would come to understand — much later, too late to do anything with it — that of all the people who were hurt that week, her father was the only one who had asked her a question with an answer she could live with, and she had refused it out of something that she wanted very badly to call honesty.

She was never entirely sure it had been.

· · ·

Polaris House did not turn on her. It was much better bred than that.

What Polaris House did was become extremely polite. Doors were held. Greetings were warm and brief. Her name went on lists it had always been on and she was seated where she had always been seated, near the top, and the conversation at that end of the table was about the shore road bill and the Emmery appointment and never, at any point, about anything else.

It took her about nine days to understand that she had been placed in a kind of glass. She could see everyone. Everyone could see her. Nothing came through.

Sarai Kest came and found her on the eleventh day, in the courtyard under the ilex, and did the bravest and worst thing anyone did to her that whole month.

"I'm going to be less around," Sarai said.

Val waited.

"My mother's written twice. She's — there's a thing she wants for me in two years and it needs three names on it, and one of them is a Casse cousin, and she has asked me — she has *asked* me, Val, she was very calm about it — to be careful for a while." Sarai's chin was up but her eyes were wet and furious. "And I've thought about it for four days and I've decided I'm going to do what she says. And I could have just — drifted. People do. I could have got busy and you'd have worked it out in a month and we'd never have had to have this conversation."

"But you came and told me."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because drifting is what a coward does," Sarai said, and then heard it, and went white. "That's not — Val, I didn't mean—"

"I know what you meant."

"I *didn't*—"

"Sarai." Val was surprised at how steady it came out. "You've been decent. Go and be careful. I'd have done the same."

That last part was true, and both of them knew it, and it did not help either of them in the slightest.

· · ·

In Solara, where nobody was careful about anything, it went around the hall in an evening.

"—a hundred and six people," someone was saying. "A hundred and six. The invitations had gone."

"That's the Sorin girl? The tall one, the one who never says anything?"

"That's the one."

Kyra ate and did not join in, which was unusual enough that Ilen noticed.

"You've got a face on."

"I've got my normal face."

"You've got the face you had about the Assembly thing." He waited. He was hopeless at most human business but he was patient in a way almost nobody was, and it worked on her about half the time.

"He'd have stood up in front of everyone," Kyra said at last, quietly, so it stayed at their end of the table. "Whoever he is. The Casse boy. He'd have stood up in front of a hundred and six people and done it properly, and she let the invitations go out and then went and had it taken care of in a room above a shop and didn't tell a single person. Not one." She turned her fork over. "You can refuse. Anyone can refuse. Refusing is allowed, Ilen, that's the whole point of it being a thing you agree to."

"So what's the objection?"

"That she didn't refuse," Kyra said. "She just got out of the way of it. There's a difference and I don't think she knows there is."

She was eighteen years old and she had never met the woman and she said it with total confidence, and she would remember having said it for a very long time.

· · ·

Novi's letter came on the fourteenth day. It was one page. Novi had never written one page in her life.

*I am not going to ask you why, because Father says nobody is to, and because I think if I asked you would tell me something true and careful that wouldn't be the actual reason, and I would rather have nothing than that.*

*The seating chart is in the fire. I am telling you that so you know I am not being brave about it. I worked on that for a year and a half and I have burned it and I am glad.*

*Here is the only thing I actually want to say.*

*You went on your own.*

*They ask, you know. They ask if there's anyone. Mother's cousin told me they ask twice. And you sat in that room and you said no, and you came home on the coach and you went to dinner, and you did all of it on your own, and Val — I would have come with you.*

*I would have got on any coach at any hour. I would not have said one single word about it, not then and not ever, and you know that, and you went on your own anyway.*

*That is the part I cannot get past. Not the Casses. Not the hundred and six. That.*

*Write to me. Or don't. But I want you to know I have worked out exactly what you did, and it isn't the thing everybody else is angry about.*

Val read it standing up, by the window, in the last of the light.

Then she folded it and put it in the drawer with the others, and she did not write back, and eleven days later she went out at four in the morning in the dark and the cold and ran the cliff path north until she could not breathe.

She did that eleven mornings in a row.

On the twelfth she went and found Rhone Tellis.

*— end of chapter six —*

### VII. Asking Rhone Tellis

You did not join the cross-country team in the eleventh week of a fifteen-week season. It was not against any rule. It simply was not done, in the way that a great many things at Corran Vayr were not done, which is to say that everyone would be extremely polite about it and nobody would forget.

Val found him in the equipment room off the north yard, counting something.

"I'd like to run."

Rhone Tellis did not look up. "Season's eleven weeks gone."

"I know."

"Three meets run. Three left. The Headland's the last one and it's the only one anybody watches." He made a mark on the sheet in his hand. "You've missed the entire base build. Everyone out there has done two hundred miles I can account for and you've done nothing I can account for at all."

"I've done about ninety."

That got her a look.

"Since when?"

"Eleven days. The cliff path north, four in the morning."

"In the dark."

"It's not that dark."

Rhone Tellis put down the sheet. He was a fourth-year, broad through the shoulders in a way runners generally weren't, with the flat unbothered manner of a man who had spent three years listening to people explain why they were the exception. He looked at her for slightly longer than was comfortable, and Val understood that she was being assessed by someone who had heard everything about her that everyone else had heard, and was declining to use any of it.

"Six o'clock," he said. "Not tomorrow. Now. Just you and me, and we'll go out to the second marker and back, and I'll tell you at the end whether I'm wasting my season."

"Now?"

"It's the only offer."

· · ·

They went out along the cliff path in the flat white light of a late afternoon in the eleventh week, and Rhone Tellis did not say one single word for fifty-one minutes.

He ran at a pace she could hold and could not have held much longer, which she understood afterward was entirely deliberate, and at the second marker he turned without breaking stride and went back the way they had come, and about two miles from home he put in a long steady climb up the shoulder of the headland that hurt in a way she had not been hurt before.

She stayed with him.

She was not sure, in the last half mile, what exactly she was doing it for. It had stopped being about the team somewhere on the climb. There was simply the path and the burning and the enormous cold air, and the fact that for fifty-one minutes she had not thought about a clerk, or a seating chart, or the words *I would have come with you*, and that this was the longest such stretch she had managed since the Thirdday morning.

They stopped in the north yard. Rhone put his hands on his knees for a moment and then straightened up and looked at her, and Val stood with her hands on top of her head and her lungs going and waited to be told no.

"Where did you learn to climb like that?"

"I didn't."

"No," he said. "You didn't." He wiped his face with the heel of his hand. "You're not fit. You'll be fit in a month and you'll be a liability until then and you'll go backwards at the fourth meet because everyone does. Six o'clock, the front of the north range, don't be late, don't be sick on the path."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet." He picked up his sheet. "I've got to go and tell thirty people."

· · ·

He told them the following morning, at the front of the north range, in the dark.

It went the way those things go. There was a silence of about two seconds, and then a shifting, and then somebody at the back said something to somebody else, and Rhone said "Right—" and got about half a word further before Kyra Davan said, quite clearly:

"No."

Thirty people stopped moving.

"Davan."

"Eleven weeks, Rhone." She was not shouting. That was the thing Val noticed, standing at the edge of the group in borrowed kit with her arms folded against the cold — Kyra Davan was not shouting and was not enjoying herself either. "Meret's been out since the first week and she's run every session and she's not going to the Headland. Adren does the long route on a bad ankle and he's not going. And someone walks in at the eleventh week and goes straight into the squad because she's—"

"Careful," Rhone said, without heat.

"—because she's *fast*," Kyra finished, and the pause before the word was about a quarter of a second long and everyone in the north yard heard it.

"She is fast," Rhone said. "That's my whole job. I'm not the house and I'm not your mother and I don't run a fairness competition, I run the cross-country team, and the cross-country team is trying to win the Headland for the first time in nine years." He put the sheet under his arm. "Meret and Adren know exactly why they're not going. If you want to argue their case, argue it to me at a reasonable hour and I'll listen, because it's a decent case. Argue it at half past five in the dark in front of thirty people and I'll assume you're arguing something else."

Kyra's jaw moved.

"Long route," Rhone said. "Go."

· · ·

Nobody spoke to Val for the first four miles, which was fine, and by the sixth she had stopped noticing.

She had expected the hostility to be the difficult part. It was not. The difficult part was the sheer competence of them — thirty people who had been doing this since the first week, who knew where the path narrowed and where the wind came off the water and when to go, and who moved as a single organism up the long shoulder while she hung off the back of it working twice as hard for the same ground.

Somewhere past the second marker the group broke, the way it did every morning, and four of them went off the front.

Val went with them.

She had no business doing it. She knew that at the time. She did it because the alternative was another forty minutes at the back with her own thoughts, and because there was a specific dark thing sitting behind her sternum that had been there since the fourteenth day, and running at the front of a pack on a cliff path at six in the morning turned out to be one of the very few activities on Sethal that made it shut up.

She held the four of them for two miles. Then it came apart, thoroughly, and she finished the last three on her own about four hundred yards down and got back to the north yard with her hands shaking.

Kyra Davan was standing at the wall with a water flask, having finished some considerable time earlier.

She watched Val come in. She watched her stop, and put her hands on the wall, and stand there breathing.

"You went with the front four."

"I did."

"On your first morning. Off eleven days of running in the dark."

"Yes."

Kyra looked at her for a moment with an expression Val could not read at all — and which was not, whatever else it was, contempt.

"That was stupid," she said.

"Probably."

"No, I mean it was *actually* stupid. You'll be wrecked for three days now and Rhone will have to nurse you through it and that's three days he doesn't have." She screwed the cap back on the flask. "There's a difference between hurting yourself and getting better. They feel identical from the inside. Somebody should have told you that before you started."

And she walked off to the range without waiting for an answer, which was the single most useful thing anyone said to Vaelith Sorin that entire term, and which Val — standing at a wall with her hands shaking and her lungs on fire and eleven weeks of glass all around her — heard as an insult.

*— end of chapter seven —*

### VIII. Cowardice Dressed as Principle

The fourth meet was at Coldwater, inland, on a course that went up through wet grass for a mile and a half and then did it again.

Rhone had told her exactly what would happen. Everyone goes backwards at the fourth meet. She had heard him say it, and had agreed with him, and had then stood on the line in the cold with the dark thing behind her sternum and gone off the front with the leaders like someone who had never been told anything by anybody.

She led for two and a half miles. It was, in its way, magnificent.

What happened on the second climb was not a fade. A fade is gradual. This was a door closing. Her legs stopped answering somewhere near the top and she came down the far side going sideways, and the field came past her in ones and twos and then in a great mass, and she finished forty-first out of sixty with her vision narrowing and no memory whatsoever of the last half mile.

Corran Vayr lost by nine points.

Kyra Davan finished fourth.

· · ·

They were an hour on the coach back and nobody said anything to her, and it was not the polite nothing of Polaris House. It was thirty tired people who had come nine points short and knew precisely where the nine points had gone.

Rhone came down the aisle at some point and crouched by her seat.

"You all right?"

"Yes."

"You're not, but that's fine." He said it without any edge at all. "You went with the leaders."

"I know."

"I told you not to and you did it anyway and now I've got a runner who can't train for four days, three weeks out from the Headland." He rubbed his eyes. "I'm not angry. I want to be clear that I'm not angry, because I'm going to say the next bit and it'll sound like I am. You've got the engine. You've got more of it than anyone I've had in four years. And you keep using it to hit yourself with, and I can't coach that. Nobody can coach that."

He stood up and moved on down the coach, and Val sat with her forehead against the cold window and did not cry, because she had not cried since the fourteenth day and had begun to suspect she had misplaced the ability.

· · ·

It happened in the north yard, two mornings later, in front of eleven people.

She should not have been there. She was supposed to be resting; Rhone had put her down for four days and she had done two, and she had come out at half past five in the dark and started changing her shoes at the wall like she belonged there.

"You're not on today."

"I'm aware."

"Then what are you doing?" Kyra was standing over her with her arms folded. "Rhone said four days. It's day two. You'll do the same thing again at Ellory and we'll lose that one as well."

"You've made your view of me extremely clear. You needn't keep—"

"I've made my view of your *training* clear—"

"—performing it," Val said, "in front of an audience," and then, because eleven weeks of glass had built up behind it and there was nowhere else for it to go: "Though I understand that's rather the point with you. That some people can't get through their own biology without a crowd watching."

The north yard went quiet.

Kyra Davan did not go still. Val would learn, over the following four hundred and nineteen years, that Kyra never went still; what she did instead was slow down, all of her, until she was moving and speaking at about half the speed of a normal person, and it was the single most frightening thing about her.

"Say that again."

"I don't think I need to."

"No," Kyra said slowly. "I don't suppose you do."

She crouched down, so that she was level with where Val sat on the wall, and when she spoke it was not loud. It never once got loud. That was somehow worse; eleven people heard every word and none of them could afterward describe her as having shouted.

"You could have refused him," Kyra said. "Do you understand that? You could have stood up in that house in front of both your fathers and said no. Out loud, with your own mouth, and taken whatever came after. It's *allowed.* It's been allowed for four thousand years. That's the entire point of it being a thing you agree to — if you can't say no to it then the yes doesn't mean anything and the whole business is a farce."

"You don't know anything about—"

"You didn't refuse." Kyra spoke straight over her, still slowly. "That's what I keep getting stuck on. You didn't refuse him. You got out of the way of it. You let a hundred and six invitations go out and you sat in a room above a shop on your own and then you went to your dinner, and a boy you'd met four times found out from a clerk in an office. That's not a principle. A principle is a thing you stand next to."

Somebody at the far wall started to say Kyra's name and stopped.

"I've heard people call you cold all term," Kyra said. "I don't think you're cold. I've watched you run. There's nothing cold in you at all, there's a furnace in there and you keep shovelling yourself into it, and I've spent two weeks trying to work out why."

She stood up.

"I think you're a coward," she said. "I think you've found a way to make it look like principle, because you're clever and because you were raised by people who are very good at that. And I think the reason you've said nothing to me for four days is that you already know, and you can't stand that somebody else does."

Then she waited.

That was the thing Val could not forgive for a very long time. Kyra Davan waited. She stood there in the dark in the north yard and gave her a full four seconds to answer, and it was not rhetorical, and she genuinely wanted to be told she was wrong.

Val said nothing.

She sat on the wall with a shoe in her hand and every argument she had ever been trained to make lined up and ready and entirely useless, because there was not one of them that was true, and for the first time in her life she discovered that she could not say a thing she did not mean.

It was, in its way, the most honest four seconds of her youth. It looked exactly like guilt.

"Right," Kyra said quietly, and went to run.

· · ·

She was sick about it by the second marker.

Not sorry. She was very clear with herself on the distinction, then and for a long time afterward: she had meant every word, she would have said all of it again, and she had said it in front of eleven people to a girl sitting on a wall who had not slept properly in a month.

Ilen found her at the wall afterward. He had heard within the hour, because everyone had heard within the hour.

"Was it true?"

"Yes."

"Then why have you got that face?"

Kyra looked out at the water for a while.

"Because she didn't argue," she said.

· · ·

Rhone Tellis put up the pace groups for the last three weeks on the Fourthday.

There were four groups. The first had six names in it. Davan and Sorin were the fifth and sixth, and everybody in the north range read the sheet twice and then looked at the back of Rhone's head, and Rhone did not turn round.

He had heard about the north yard the same hour as everyone else. He had thought about it for two days. And he had concluded, being twenty-two years old and responsible for thirty people and a race in three weeks, that he had exactly two runners in his squad who could go with the Ellory front group at the Headland, and that whatever was wrong between them was not his to fix and was not, in the end, his problem.

"Six o'clock," he said to the yard. "Same as always."

They ran the long route together the next morning, four hundred yards ahead of everyone else, side by side, for eleven miles.

Neither of them said a single word.

They would do it again the morning after that, and the morning after that, and for eighteen consecutive mornings, and by the end of it they would be the two fastest runners Corran Vayr had put on the Headland course in nine years, and they still would not have spoken.

*— end of chapter eight —*

### IX. The Grind

There is a particular kind of silence available to two people running side by side at six in the morning, and Kyra Davan came to know it extremely well.

It was not a hostile silence, which surprised her. Hostility takes attention, and eleven miles at that pace does not leave you any. It was more like sharing a room with a stranger who was very good at their job. You got used to the other person's breathing. You learned where they took the corners. On the fourth morning Kyra put in a surge at the second marker without warning to see what would happen, and the surge came back at her ninety seconds later, harder, and after that they did that most days and neither of them ever mentioned it.

By the second week she knew things about Vaelith Sorin that she was fairly sure nobody else on the planet knew.

She knew that Val was better going up than coming down, and that she knew it and worked on it. She knew that Val's form went first in the left shoulder, about two miles before anything else showed. She knew that Val counted something under her breath on the long climb, in threes.

And she knew — from the way Val was out at the range at twenty past five every morning, already changed, already stretched, already waiting — that whatever was going on there had nothing whatsoever to do with the Headland.

You do not get up at twenty past five for eighteen consecutive days because you want to win a race. Kyra wanted to win the race very much and she got up at ten to six like a normal person.

· · ·

Her parents wrote in the second week. It was four pages and she read it twice.

Three of the pages were about the range trials at Hessen Point. Her mother wrote about work the way other people wrote about weather — assuming a shared interest, assuming you'd been following, assuming you would want to know that the fourth-order coupling had held for eleven seconds longer than the model said it should, which was *extraordinary*, Kyra, genuinely extraordinary, they had all been on their feet.

The fourth page asked how she was settling in, said they were both proud, and hoped she was making the most of Solara.

It was a warm letter. It was written by two people who loved her and who had no idea at all what she did with her days, and who had never once, in eighteen years, asked her a second question about anything.

Kyra read the range trials section again, because it *was* interesting, and then she put the letter in her drawer and went to dinner and was very funny for an hour and a half.

· · ·

It rained for six days in the third week and the cliff path turned to grease, and on the fifth of those days Vaelith Sorin came apart on the long route.

Kyra saw it happen from about four strides ahead. There was no drama in it. Val simply stopped being a runner and became a person moving badly — the left shoulder gone, then the rest of it, then a kind of loose stagger — and she came off the path onto the grass and went down onto her hands and knees in the wet.

Kyra came back.

She did not think about it and she did not decide to. Her legs turned her round and took her back forty yards and that was the entire process. It was the same thing that had happened to her at nine years old on the flats north of home, when the herd had gone on and she had not, and it had been happening to her ever since, and she had long ago stopped experiencing it as a choice.

Val was gray. Not pale — gray, with the specific gray of somebody who has run out of everything at once.

Kyra crouched down, got the small tin out of the back of her belt, opened it, and held it out.

Val looked at it.

"Eat it," Kyra said.

She ate it. It took a while. Kyra sat back on her heels in the wet grass with the rain coming sideways off the water and watched a girl she had called a coward in front of eleven people chew through four squares of pressed fruit and honey with her hands shaking, and neither of them said anything at all.

The pack went past on the path, one and two at a time. A couple of them slowed. Kyra waved them on.

After about ten minutes Val got up.

They walked the last mile and a quarter. It took twenty-five minutes and they did not talk, and at the gate Val stopped and looked at the ground for a second, and Kyra thought she was going to say something and braced herself for it.

"Thank you for the—" Val began.

"It's four squares of fruit."

"Yes."

"You'd have got up eventually."

"Yes," Val said. "I expect I would."

And they went in through separate doors, and Kyra stood in the wash room afterward with her hands under the hot tap for a long time, extremely annoyed and not able to locate the reason.

· · ·

Corran Vayr won at Ellory eleven days later, by two points, and neither of them was quite able to explain afterward how it had happened.

What happened was this. The Ellory front group went out fast, the way Ellory always did, and at the mile Kyra found herself sitting fourth with Val on her shoulder, and she thought — with no words attached to it — *this is too fast and they'll come back to us at the water.*

And she eased. Just slightly. Just enough.

And behind her, without a word, without a glance, Vaelith Sorin eased with her.

They ran the next mile and a half together at a pace neither had discussed, four seconds off the leaders, and at the water crossing the leaders came back exactly as Kyra had known they would, and the two of them went past the whole front group on the inside like a door swinging open, and Kyra heard the sound Val made going by and it was not a sound of effort. It was a laugh.

Kyra took it by nine seconds. Val was third.

Rhone Tellis stood at the line with his sheet at his side and did not write anything on it for some time.

· · ·

They spoke on the coach.

Nineteen days of silence, and it broke in the third row of a school coach on the Ellory road with the windows steamed up and thirty exhausted people asleep around them, and it broke because Val said:

"The Headland. The section after the second marker, before it comes back along the top."

Kyra opened one eye.

"What about it?"

"I've run it eleven times and I've never once got it right. It looks like it climbs and it doesn't. It's flat and it feels like a climb, so I run it like a climb and I'm always wrong."

"It's the wind," Kyra said. "It comes straight off the water at your left shoulder for about six hundred yards and you're fighting it without noticing. Everyone does it the first year. You want to drop your left arm and come off the seaward edge of the path by about a yard and a half. Not more. There's a lip."

Val absorbed this.

"A yard and a half."

"Not more."

"Thank you."

"Mm," said Kyra, and shut her eye again, and that was all of it. Twenty-one words about a wind. Neither of them said anything else for the rest of the hour.

Neither of them, in the four hundred and nineteen years that followed, ever remembered that conversation as the moment anything changed.

They were both wrong about that, and it would not have made any difference if they had known.

*— end of chapter nine —*

### X. The Herds

North of the Davan house the land went flat for eleven miles and then flat again, and twice a year the arun came through it.

They came in the eighth month going north and the second month coming back, and they had been doing it since before there was anybody there to watch, and the whole business of it took about four days. You heard them before anything else — not hooves, exactly; a kind of low continuous pressure in the ground that got into the house and the water and your teeth. Then there was dust on the horizon for half a day. Then there were arun, from one edge of the world to the other, warm-bodied and enormous and entirely uninterested in you, moving at the same steady rate they had been moving at for nine hundred miles.

Kyra was nine years old the first time she ran with them.

She got about eleven miles before they lost her, which she was extremely proud of and told people about for the rest of her life. What she did not tell people about was the rest of that day.

There was a young one at the back. It had done something to its off hind — she never knew what, and at nine she had no way of telling — and it was going at maybe two thirds of the herd's pace and losing ground steadily, and it had been losing ground for a long time before she noticed it.

She watched the herd not stop.

That was the thing. She had expected — she could remember expecting, with total childish confidence — that they would slow. That the ones nearest would fall back, or circle, or do something. They did not do anything. They did not appear to register it at all. Four hundred thousand warm-blooded animals went north across the flats at exactly the pace they had been going, and the young one dropped off the back of them like a coat off a chair.

Kyra stayed.

She stayed all afternoon and she stayed through the dark, sitting six feet away with her arms round her knees, and at some point in the night it stopped being able to stand up. She had no water for it and nothing to give it and no idea what she was doing. She was nine.

It died a little after dawn. The herd was forty miles away by then.

Her father found her at nine in the morning and carried her home and told her, kindly and correctly, that there had been nothing anyone could have done, and that staying with it had not made any difference at all.

He was right about that. She knew he was right about it then and she knew it for the next four hundred and nineteen years.

She stayed anyway. Every time. For the rest of her life.

· · ·

Her own cycle began to turn eleven days before the Headland, which was about four months early.

She knew what it was immediately. Everyone did; that was the one thing everybody agreed on. She woke at four with her mind absolutely clear and lay in the dark in Solara listening to two hundred people not being awake, and she thought, with a certain amount of interest: *well. That's ahead of schedule.*

She was not frightened. She wanted that noted, later, when there was a later. She had been looking forward to this since she was about eleven years old — not the biology of it, which was simply weather, but the other part. The room. The people. Her mother's family standing along one wall the way they had stood along one wall for four thousand years, and her father crying, which he would, and Emrin at the far end being nervous in a good coat.

She had a date. It was eight days after the end of term.

Four months early was not a problem. Cycles moved; everyone knew somebody whose had come in a season ahead or behind, and you simply moved the date and told people and everybody was very understanding about it.

You told the university physician, and you told your house, and you were taken out of anything strenuous, immediately, as a matter of ordinary care.

Kyra Davan lay in the dark and did the arithmetic, which took about four seconds, and worked out that telling anybody at all meant not running the Headland.

And she thought: *eleven days.*

And she said nothing.

· · ·

Emrin came up on the Fifthday coach, which was a five-hour journey each way for six hours in the middle, and he did it without being asked and without making anything of it.

They walked out along the south wall because it was the only part of the Vayr not full of people, and he told her about his brother's boat and the business with the license, and she laughed in the right places and also in some of the wrong ones, and it was — she thought afterward, standing in the wash room, in the way she had of catching herself thinking things — it was the easiest six hours she had spent since the term started.

"You look tired," he said.

"I'm in the last week of a season."

"Right." He accepted it. He always accepted things; it was one of the four or five facts about him. "Rhone Tellis. Is he as bad as your letters make out?"

"He's exactly that bad and he's also the reason we won at Ellory."

"And the Sorin girl?"

Kyra was quiet for slightly too long.

"She's the fastest thing in the squad," she said. "Including me. She just doesn't know it yet."

Emrin, who was not stupid, filed this and did not pursue it.

· · ·

At the coach, at the end of the six hours, he said it.

He had clearly been intending to say it since Aventhal and had clearly been dreading it the entire day, and he did it standing on the gravel with his bag already on his shoulder, which meant he had built himself an exit, which she thought was rather clever of him.

"I love you," Emrin said. "I'm aware that's ahead of schedule."

The coach was making the noise coaches make. Out past the headland the water had gone the color it went before weather.

And Kyra Davan — who was widely and easily loved, who had been widely and easily loved since she was a small child, who had never once in her life worked out how to do the sum in the other direction — stood on the gravel and did the only thing she knew how to do, which was tell the truth at whatever cost it happened to carry.

"I'm not going to say it back."

"No," he said. "I know."

"I like you enormously. That isn't a consolation and I'm not offering it as one. It's just true and I've got no interest in dressing it up as the other thing, because you'd know within a month and then you'd have both the disappointment and the lie."

"Kyra—"

"I want to do this properly with you. All of it. In front of everyone." Her voice did something she did not authorise. "I've wanted that since I was eleven. And you deserve to be standing at the other end of that room next to somebody who feels what you feel, and I don't know if that's ever going to be me, and I am not going to stand here and promise you it will."

Emrin Solveth looked at the ground for a while.

"Do you know what I'd have hated?" he said. "If you'd said it back."

"That's not true."

"It's a bit true." He shifted the bag. "I'd rather have the real thing and be short of it than have the whole thing and know it's made up. That's — I've thought about this more than is dignified. I'd rather have the true small thing."

And she thought, watching him get on the coach: *that is exactly why I like you.*

And it was still not love, and she was still going to stand in a room in eight days' time with a hundred people watching, and she had absolutely no idea what to do with any of it.

· · ·

She woke at four again the next morning, and the morning after that.

It was moving faster than the books said it should. She knew that. She had grown up with two scientists and she was not in the habit of ignoring data, and there was a whole afternoon in the second-to-last week where she sat in the reading room on the sea side and read about early onset and closed the reference and went to training.

Eleven days. Then ten. Then six.

She told nobody — not Ilen, not Rhone, not the physician, not her mother, not the boy who had come five hours up the coast to tell her the truth about himself on some gravel.

And at no point in those eleven days did it occur to Kyra Davan, who believed with her entire chest that a person ought to be answerable in front of the people who raised her, that she was doing a smaller and quieter version of the exact thing she had crouched down in the north yard and called cowardice.

It would occur to her later.

It would occur to her at about the four-mile mark of the Headland, going along the top with the wind at her left shoulder, roughly ninety seconds before she went down.

*— end of chapter ten —*

### XI. The Last Meet

The Headland was run on the last Fourthday of term and it was the only thing at Corran Vayr that the whole of Corran Vayr came out for.

There was no good reason for this. It was a cross-country race between four schools on a windy promontory in the last cold week of the year, and the course was six and a quarter miles of gravel and turf and one genuinely unpleasant climb, and nothing about it was easy to watch. But it had been run for two hundred and six years, and the top section came back along the ridge in full view of the whole university, and so everybody came — every house, every faculty, the kitchens, the boat crews, families up from the city on the morning coach — and stood along the ridge in coats with their hands in their pockets and made an enormous amount of noise for about eleven minutes.

Ellory had won it nine years running.

· · ·

Emrin came up on the early coach and found Kyra behind the north range at half past nine, and did not say anything about how she looked, which told her he had noticed.

"Your parents aren't coming."

"There's a trial window at Hessen. It's the fourth-order thing." Kyra pulled the laces tight. "It's genuinely a big deal. They'll be up in the spring for the—" She stopped. "They'll be up in the spring."

"Right."

"Don't do the face."

"I'm not doing a face."

"You're doing the face where you don't say anything and it's worse." She stood up and shoved him with one hand and he took it, and that was that, and neither of them mentioned it again.

He went off to find somewhere along the ridge. She watched him go and thought, with a clarity that startled her, that she was glad he had come and that this was not the same as the other thing, and then she stopped thinking about it because there was a race.

· · ·

Val saw her father at ten past ten, standing at the back of the crowd near the second gate in a coat she recognized, on his own.

He had not written to say he was coming. He would not have; he would have considered it a form of pressure. He was simply there, two hundred miles up the coast on a Fourthday in the last week of a session, standing at the back where she would only see him if she looked.

She looked.

He raised one hand, about four inches, and did not smile, and she understood the whole of it perfectly.

She also saw, thirty yards further along and higher up the slope, Teor Casse.

He was with two people she did not know. He was not looking for her; he was looking at the course. And she understood that too, or thought she did — that he had come up from the city on a coach to stand on a cold ridge for eleven minutes and watch a girl who had humiliated his family run a race, and that there was nothing in it beyond exactly that.

She had no idea what to do with it, so she did what she had been trained to do since she was four years old, which was nothing at all.

· · ·

They went off at eleven.

The first two miles of the Headland are a lie. It runs out along the flat of the promontory with the sea on both sides and it feels like nothing, and every year about forty people run it far too fast, and every year Ellory is at the front of them and it is not a mistake, because Ellory train for the last mile and a half and everybody else does not.

Kyra went with them. So did Val.

They ran it exactly as Rhone had drawn it out on a wall in the north range: sitting fifth and sixth, four seconds down, letting the Ellory front three do the work into the wind. At the second marker the course turned inland and went up, and the climb took eleven people out of the race entirely, and at the top of it there were nine left in the front group and two of them were from Corran Vayr.

The crowd noise came up over the ridge like weather.

And Kyra Davan, running at four and a half miles with the wind coming off the water at her left shoulder exactly where she had told Val it would, moving as well as she had ever moved in her life, felt something go wrong under her ribs.

· · ·

It was not pain.

That was the thing she could never make anybody understand afterward, and she tried perhaps three times in four hundred years and then stopped trying. It did not hurt. It was worse than hurting. It was the sensation of a very large door somewhere far back in the building of herself coming open, and everything that had been behind that door arriving at once, in a body that was currently running five-minute miles into a headwind.

Her stride shortened. She did not tell it to.

*Four hundred yards*, she thought. *Get to the top of the ridge.*

And then, arriving out of nowhere with the appalling precision of a thing that has been waiting eleven days for the worst possible moment: *you did not tell anybody.*

She saw the north yard. She saw herself crouched down in front of a girl on a wall in the dark with eleven people listening. *A principle is a thing you stand next to.* She had known for eleven days. She had read the reference in the reading room and closed it and gone to training. She had stood on gravel and told a boy the exact truth about her heart and had not told him this. She had let it come, and hidden it, and run.

It was the same thing. It was smaller and it was quieter and it was hers, and it was the same thing.

She got about ninety seconds of that.

· · ·

Then it took her.

The ridge, the crowd, the wind, the whole cold bright morning went sideways and away, and her legs — the legs that had run eleven miles alongside a herd at nine years old — simply stopped being anything to do with her. She was on the grass at the edge of the path. She did not remember arriving there.

Somebody's spikes went past very close to her head.

She could hear the crowd. That was the part. She was forty feet below the line of them, on the open turf, in the middle of the only eleven minutes of the year that the entire university stood on a ridge and watched — two thousand people, the kitchens, the boat crews, four schools, her house, his house, a boy who had come five hours up the coast that morning — and she was on her hands and knees in the grass in front of every single one of them with her body doing something in public that a person is supposed to do in a room with the people who raised her.

The noise changed.

She heard it change. That was the last clear thing she got for some minutes: the sound of two thousand people going from cheering to something else, all at once, in the way a flock turns.

She got one hand up.

She did not know what she meant by it. She thought afterward that she had probably been trying to wave people off — that some part of her had understood there would be marshals coming down off the ridge, and stewards, and the physician, and Rhone, and Emrin, and that they would all arrive at once and lift her up in front of everybody, and that she would rather have been left on the grass to be trampled by the second pack.

Nobody who was there ever agreed afterward about how long it was. Some of them said thirty seconds.

· · ·

Forty yards up the path, running third, Vaelith Sorin heard the crowd change.

She did not know what it meant. Nobody at the front ever does; you are inside a small loud world of your own breathing and the noise up on the ridge is weather that happens to other people. She registered it as an oddity and kept running, and put her left arm down, and came off the seaward edge of the path by about a yard and a half, not more, because there was a lip.

Two strides later she realized she could not hear the person who had been on her shoulder for the last mile and a half.

She had run eighteen consecutive mornings beside that breathing. She knew it better than she knew most people's voices.

Val looked back.

The Ellory three were ahead of her and the ridge was full of two thousand people and the top of the course was a hundred and forty yards away, and she was running the best race of her life in front of her father, and somewhere down and behind her on the open grass there was a shape and a crowd of coats already starting to come down the slope toward it.

She did not know yet that she was going to turn around.

She would say afterward — on the few occasions she said anything at all about that morning — that she had thought about it for a long time. That she had weighed it.

It was one and a half strides.

*— end of chapter eleven —*

### XII. Out of Sight

Running back down a cross-country course against sixty people is not a thing anyone has ever practiced.

Val came off the seaward edge onto the rough and went down the outside of the field, and the field came up at her in a solid wall of noise and elbows and spikes, and somebody shouted something at her, and somebody else went past close enough that she felt the air. It took eleven seconds to cover forty yards. She would remember every one of them.

Kyra was on her hands and knees in the open turf on the landward side of the path, below the ridge, in full view of the entire university.

There were already people coming. Val registered them without looking: two marshals angling down off the ridge from the left, a steward further back, the flash of the physician's yellow band somewhere up near the second gate. Thirty seconds, perhaps forty. And behind them, above them, all along the top of the slope, two thousand people in coats, all of whom had stopped making the noise they had been making and started making a different one.

Val did not kneel down and she did not say Kyra's name.

She stood over her, facing the ridge, with her back to the crowd — squarely, deliberately, feet apart, arms slightly out — and put her own body between Kyra Davan and two thousand people, and the first thing out of her mouth was not *are you all right* or *what's happening* or any of the eleven other things a reasonable person would have said.

"How much can you move?"

"—what—"

"How much can you *move.* Legs, arms, anything. Tell me the number."

Kyra got a breath in. "Not — not much. Arms."

"That's enough." Val was already turning, already looking past her, already measuring the ground with the flat assessing sweep of someone reading a room for the exits. Nine feet of open turf. Then the path. Then the seaward edge, and below the seaward edge —

"There's a lip," Val said.

Kyra made a sound that was not a word.

"You told me. On the coach. A yard and a half off the seaward edge, not more, there's a lip." She crouched, finally, and got her hands under Kyra's arms from behind. "It's about eleven feet. If we get you over it, nobody on that ridge can see you. Not one of them. Can you take some of your own weight?"

"Val—"

"Can you take some of your own weight."

"A bit."

"Then take a bit," Val said, and lifted.

· · ·

It was not graceful and it was not gentle.

They got nine feet in about four seconds and then Kyra's legs went out from under her entirely and the rest of it was a drag — a hard, ugly, scraping drag across gravel and turf with Val walking backwards and Kyra's heels furrowing the ground, and somebody in the second pack shouting *get off the course*, and both of them going over the seaward edge in an uncontrolled tangle that hurt them both.

And then they were down behind the lip, on the rough grass on the seaward side, eleven feet below the level of the path.

And nobody could see them.

The sky was up there and the wind was coming off the water and the noise of two thousand people was directly overhead and completely useless to them, because the geometry of a hillside does not care how many people are on it.

Kyra lay on her side in the grass with her face against the ground and shook.

Val stood up and went back to the edge.

· · ·

The first marshal arrived about nine seconds later and Val met him at the lip, standing on the slope with her hand up.

"She's not injured."

"Miss, I need to—"

"She is not injured. It's a cycle onset. Early." Val said it calmly and clearly and with the exact intonation her father used at hearings, and watched the word land and the man's whole posture change. "She needs the physician and nobody else. Not the stewards, not the coach, not anyone from her house. You're going to go back up and stop the second marshal and the steward before they come over that edge, and then you're going to stand on the path where you are visible and look extremely bored."

"I'm supposed to—"

"Two thousand people are watching you," Val said. "If you stand on that path and look bored, they will decide nothing is happening and go back to the race. If four of you come down here at once they will decide something is happening and every single one of them will stay looking at this hillside for the next twenty minutes. Which of those do you want?"

The marshal was nineteen and had been given a colored band that morning.

"Right," he said, and went.

He did exactly what she told him. He was, in fact, extremely convincing at looking bored, and up on the ridge two thousand people watched a bored young man on a path decide that nothing much had happened, and by the time the leaders came round the top of the course the noise had gone back to being about the race.

Val came back down behind the lip and sat on her heels beside Kyra Davan and did nothing at all, which was the correct thing and the hardest.

· · ·

The physician came at some point, and did what there was to do, which was not very much and mostly consisted of confirming out loud that this was survivable and ordinary and that Kyra was not dying, in a flat calm voice, four separate times.

Then she went back up to the path to keep everyone else off it.

Which left the two of them on eleven feet of rough grass on the seaward side of a hill, with the wind coming in and the race going on above their heads.

Kyra had stopped shaking as hard. She had one arm across her face.

"Everybody saw."

"About four seconds of it," Val said. "Then a bored man stood on a path."

"Val—"

"They saw a runner go down. Runners go down at the Headland every year. By the time they get to the coaches they'll have decided you rolled an ankle, because that is what people decide, and the ones who know better will be too polite to say and by next term there won't be anybody who—"

"How do you *know* all this?"

Val stopped.

The wind went over the top of the lip and took the crowd noise with it and brought it back.

"I've thought about it," she said.

Kyra took her arm off her face and looked at her.

She had known this girl for a season. She had run eighteen consecutive mornings four hundred yards ahead of thirty other people beside her. She had crouched in front of her in the dark and called her a coward in front of eleven people and had meant it.

And she understood, lying on her back on a hillside at the worst moment of her life, that Vaelith Sorin had spent some considerable and unaccounted-for portion of the past three months working out exactly how a person would get another person out of sight of a crowd — the ground, the sightlines, what to say to a marshal, how long it takes for two thousand people to look away — and that she had not been doing it as a kindness to anybody, because there had been nobody to be kind to.

She had been doing it for herself, in a room in Marden, at four o'clock in the morning, for eleven weeks. Just in case.

Neither of them said any of that.

· · ·

"There's someone coming down the path," Val said, after a while. "It's the boy. Solveth."

Kyra shut her eyes.

And Val — kneeling in the grass eleven feet below a race she had been third in forty minutes earlier — asked the question.

"Is there anyone you want?"

She heard herself ask it. She heard the shape of it and the room it came out of, a waiting room above a lamp shop on the fourth terrace with eleven chairs and a woman at a desk who had not looked up, and she heard her own voice saying *there's no one* to a stranger who had asked twice out of ordinary kindness.

"Yes," Kyra said.

Just that. No hesitation, no weighing, no arithmetic. The easiest word in the language, said by somebody for whom it had apparently always been easy.

"Yes. Get him."

Val Sorin went up the slope and fetched Emrin Solveth, and brought him down over the lip, and then climbed back up onto the path and stood there in the wind with her arms folded, facing outward, in her race number, while behind and below her a boy who had come five hours up the coast that morning sat down in the grass and put his coat over the girl he loved.

Ellory won the Headland for the tenth consecutive year.

Corran Vayr came fourth.

· · ·

Rhone Tellis found her at the coaches an hour later. He had a sheet in his hand, as he always did, and he did not look at it.

"You were third."

"I know."

"You'd have been second. Wilm went at the top and he had nothing." He put the sheet under his arm. "Nine years I've been trying to beat Ellory. Four of them running, three of them captaining. I want you to understand that I have thought about that race every day since I was fifteen years old."

"Rhone—"

"That's the second-best thing I've seen anybody do on that hill," Rhone Tellis said. "Six o'clock. Not tomorrow. Term's over."

And he got on the coach.

· · ·

They did not talk about it.

Not that evening, not the following week, not in the eleven years after, and not in the four hundred and nineteen that came after those.

It was not avoidance and it was never awkward. There was simply nothing either of them could have said about that hillside that would not have made it smaller, and both of them understood this immediately and without discussion, in the way that two people who are going to know each other for a very long time occasionally understand something all at once and never mention it again.

Four centuries later, on a rock above a lake on the wrong side of the universe, Kyra Davan would put her head on Vaelith Sorin's shoulder and neither of them would mention it then either.

But that was the day. Anyone who had wanted to know when it started could have stood on that ridge and watched a bored young man on a path and seen nothing at all.

*— end of chapter twelve —*

### XIII. The Parade

The invitation, such as it was, happened at the coaches on the last morning of term, in about nine seconds, while forty people carried boxes past them.

"There's a thing," Kyra said. "Eight days. At the Solveth house, because ours is too small and my mother's furious about it."

"I know. It's in the notices."

"You should come."

Val looked at her.

She had eleven questions and all of them were reasonable and she asked none, because Kyra Davan was already picking up her bag with the expression of somebody who had said the thing she came to say and had no intention of decorating it.

"Come or don't," Kyra said, and got on the coach.

· · ·

Val went home for the eight days, which she had not planned to do.

Novi did not mention the letters. She did not mention the Casses, or the clerk, or the seating chart in the fire. She met the coach, and took the bag off her shoulder without asking, and talked without pause for the entire walk up from the harbour about a boy in her year who had done something unforgivable with a boat.

It was only on the third evening, in the long room with the windows, in the last of the light, that she said anything at all.

"You're going to the Davan girl's thing."

"Yes."

"Why?"

Val considered several answers and gave the only one she had.

"I don't know."

Novi drew her feet up onto the seat and put her chin on her knees and looked at her sister for a while with an expression that was becoming, year by year, harder to get anything past.

"That's the first true thing you've said to me since the eighth month," she said, not unkindly, and went back to her book.

· · ·

The Solveth house was on the second terrace, close to the water, and it was not large, and it had been in that family for six hundred years without anybody ever having enough money to ruin it.

A hundred and forty people came. Val had thought there would be more; she had grown up with the Sorin version of these things, which ran to lists and stewards and a man at a door. This was not that. This was a house with all its doors open and people standing in every room of it and out into a walled garden the size of a courtyard, and the noise was the noise of a family rather than a function.

Vosen Casse was there, because Vosen Casse was at everything, and greeted her with both hands and enormous warmth and did not for one second let her see whatever he was actually thinking, which was a kindness she recognized and could not repay.

Kyra's mother turned out to be a small, quick, imperious woman who had clearly not slept and who fixed Val with a look and said, "You're the runner," and then, before Val could answer, "She wrote about you. Twice." And went off to shout at somebody about chairs.

Kyra's father cried three separate times before anything had even started.

And at the far end of the long room, in a good coat, with his hands at his sides in a way that Val recognized with a jolt from a back step on the eighth terrace, stood Emrin Solveth, being nervous in his own house.

· · ·

The public part of a parade takes about twenty minutes and consists almost entirely of standing.

There is no officiant, because it is not that kind of thing. The two families come into the room from opposite doors and take up positions along opposite walls and there they stay. The two people walk in last, separately, and stand in the middle, and each of them says the same eleven words that everyone in that room has said or will say, and then they are asked — by the room, in unison, which is the part that Val had not expected and which went through her like cold water — whether they are willing.

And they say yes, or they do not.

That is the whole of it. It is four thousand years old and it takes twenty minutes and there is nothing in it but people standing along walls, looking.

Kyra Davan came in from the left-hand door and she was not beautiful, particularly. She was pale and she had not recovered and there were nine days of a bad fortnight in her face. She walked to the middle of that room and stood in front of a hundred and forty people with her chin up and her hands loose at her sides, and she looked around all four walls slowly, taking her time, meeting people's eyes — *letting* them look, deliberately, one at a time — and Val understood in that moment something she had been failing to understand since a courtyard in the first week.

It was not about the audience. It had never been about the audience.

It was that Kyra Davan had decided, at some point in her childhood, that she would rather be seen entirely than be safe.

Nine days earlier she had been seen entirely, by two thousand people, on her hands and knees on a hillside, in the worst way it is possible to be seen. And she had come into this room anyway and done it again on purpose.

Val stood at the back near the garden door with her hands folded and did not move for twenty minutes.

When they asked the question, the room said it as one voice, and Val's mouth moved with the rest of them and no sound came out at all.

· · ·

Teor Casse found her afterward, in the garden, when the house had gone loud again.

He came out with two glasses and gave her one without being asked, which was such a small competent kindness that she nearly could not take it, and then he stood beside her and looked at the wall for a while.

"I'm not going to make a scene," he said. "I want to say that first, because you've gone very straight-backed and I'd like you to stop."

"I don't do that."

"You do it constantly." He turned the glass in his hand. "I've thought about what I'd say to you if I ever got the chance, for about seven months, and I had it down to four minutes and I'm not going to use any of it. I've only got one question and then I'll go and be pleasant to my father's friends."

The noise came out of the open doors. Somewhere inside, Kyra's father was crying again.

"I offered," Teor said. "On your step. I said I'd go in and tell them it was me — that I couldn't — and I meant it, and I'd have done it, and I've never once regretted offering." He looked at her. "Why wouldn't you let me?"

And there it was.

Not *why did you refuse me.* He had never once asked her that, not in seven months, not through two families and a clerk and a hundred and six invitations. He had absorbed the refusal completely. He was not asking about the arrangement at all.

He was asking why she had walked past the one door in the whole house that a person had held open for her.

Val opened her mouth.

She got as far as understanding, with a clarity that arrived far too late and in entirely the wrong garden, that she did have an answer — that it had been sitting there the whole time, underneath eleven weeks of glass and eighteen mornings and a hillside — and that it was: *because then it would have been yours. Because you'd have carried it and I'd have watched you carry it and I would have owed you for the rest of my life, and I would rather have been ruined on my own than helped in front of people.*

What she said was:

"Because you'd have been kind about it."

Teor Casse looked at her for a long moment.

"That's not an answer," he said.

"No."

"Is there one?"

"Yes," Val said. "I've just found it. About four seconds ago. And I'm not going to give it to you, because you'd forgive me for it, and I don't think I could stand that."

He nodded slowly. Then he did the last kind thing he ever did for her, which was to accept it — to simply take that, and not push, and finish his drink, and say:

"Right. Well. You run very well."

And go back inside.

They never spoke again. He married someone from Ellory eleven years later and had four children and lived to be four hundred and six, and Vaelith Sorin never learned any of it, because by then she was on a hillside above a lake on a planet nobody on Sethal had ever heard of, still working out how to say the thing she had found in a garden and swallowed.

· · ·

Kyra caught her at the gate as she was leaving.

She had a coat over the ceremonial thing and she looked exhausted and enormously pleased with herself, and she leaned on the gatepost like someone who had been standing up for four hours and had decided to stop.

"You came."

"I came."

"You didn't say anything to anybody."

"No."

"Thought not." Kyra pushed her hair back off her face. "Are you at the Vayr over the break, or are you here?"

"The Vayr. There's nothing here."

"Right." Kyra considered this for a second. "I'm back on the fourth day. The cliff path's a swamp until the eighth month but the inland loop's all right if you go early."

"How early?"

"Six."

"That's not early."

"No," Kyra agreed. "It isn't."

And that was the entire conversation. Twenty-nine words about a training route, at a gate, at the end of the day on which Kyra Davan had done the most important thing she would ever do on Sethal.

Val walked down the terrace toward the water in the dark.

Somewhere behind her a hundred and forty people were still in a house with all its doors open, and ahead of her the harbour lights were on the black water, and she felt — for the first time since a Thirdday morning in the eleventh week — very slightly less alone than she had.

She could not have told you why, and would not have used that word, and if anyone had suggested to her that she had just made a friend she would have found the idea faintly ridiculous.

*— end of chapter thirteen —*

### XIV. The Archive

Corran Vayr in the break is one of the better places in the world and almost nobody knows it, because almost everybody goes home.

Four hundred people stayed that year out of nine thousand. The kitchens ran one hall. The libraries kept absurd hours because the people who stayed were the people who wanted absurd hours. It rained for eleven days and then stopped and stayed cold and clear for a month, and the promontory in that weather, with nobody on it, was as close to silent as anywhere on the planet.

They ran the inland loop at six.

Not every morning. Kyra was four weeks off a bad thing and Val, for once in her life, did not argue about a rest day, and there were mornings when one of them knocked and the other said something unrepeatable through a door and that was the whole of the training session. But most mornings. Enough mornings that by the end of the break they had run about three hundred miles together and had, between them, said perhaps nine thousand words.

Almost all of them were about running.

Some were not.

· · ·

"Does he write to you?" Kyra asked, somewhere around the eighth mile, in the second week. "The Casse boy."

"No."

"Would you answer if he did?"

"No."

"Right," Kyra said, and left it for about four hundred yards, and then said, "I think I was wrong about—"

"Don't."

"—I'm going to say it, because if I don't say it now I'll say it in ten years when it's worse—"

"Kyra."

"—I don't think you're a coward," Kyra said, all in one go, to the path in front of her. "I think you're the most frightened person I've ever met, which isn't the same thing, and I said the wrong word in front of eleven people and I've thought about it every day since the Headland."

Val ran two hundred yards without answering.

"That's worse," she said at last.

"I know. I thought about that too."

And that was as close as either of them ever came to an apology, in four hundred and nineteen years, in either direction.

· · ·

Val wrote to Novi on the fourteenth day of the break.

It took her four attempts and the version that went was two pages and said almost nothing — the weather, the loop, a description of Kyra's mother that she knew would make Novi laugh — and at the bottom, in a different ink, because she had put it down and picked it up again some hours later:

*You were right about the thing you said in your letter. I have thought about it every day. I am not going to explain it because I do not think I can, but I did not want you to think I hadn't understood you.*

*I should have let you come.*

Novi's answer came back in six days and was eleven pages long and did not mention it at all, which was, Val understood, the entire point.

· · ·

Ilen Vosse found them in the north yard on a Fifthday in the last week of the break, having run — Ilen, who did not run — most of the way from the drive faculty.

"They've moved it," he said. "They've moved it *here.*"

"Breathe."

"I don't need to breathe, I need you to understand what I'm—" He put his hands on his knees anyway. "The Dael archive. The whole of it. It's been in the city archive for four thousand years where nobody could do anything with it because nobody in the city archive can read a fold notation, and the Assembly has finally, *finally* agreed to transfer custody to the Vayr, because the Vayr has the drive faculty, which is what about nine hundred people have been saying since—"

"Ilen."

"They've given me a place on it." He straightened up. He had gone a color Kyra had not previously seen on him. "Junior. The lowest possible. I'll be transcribing for two years and I won't be allowed an opinion about anything. I don't care. Kyra, I don't care even slightly."

Kyra started laughing.

"What?"

"Nothing. Nothing." She wiped her eyes. "My great-however-many-times-grandfather. And they've put you in a basement with his notes and you look like somebody's given you a planet."

"They have given me a planet."

"I'm going to write to my mother," Kyra said, "and tell her that the Dael archive has finally been opened by somebody who can actually read it, and that it's a friend of mine, and she is going to be so pleased that she may write me a letter that is entirely about me." She hit him on the shoulder, hard, the way she hit people she liked. "Well done. Genuinely. That's a wonderful thing."

Val, who had been sitting on the wall changing her shoes and had said nothing at all, asked the question.

"What was he trying to do?"

Ilen turned round.

"Sorren Dael. What was he actually trying to do?"

"Oh." He waved a hand, dismissively, as though it were the easy part, which for him it was. "Get further. That's all. That's the whole of it. Everyone dresses it up because he disappeared and people like a mystery, but he wasn't doing anything clever or strange — he had a range limit and he wanted to beat it, and he thought he'd found a way to fold past it, and he went and tried it."

"And it killed him."

"It put him somewhere," Ilen said. "Which is different. I keep telling people that and they keep hearing the same thing."

"Is it in the archive? The way he found?"

"Probably." Ilen said it without any weight at all. He had picked up a stone off the wall and was turning it over. "That's rather the point of an archive."

· · ·

They walked back up to the range together in the cold, the three of them, and Ilen talked the entire way and walked backwards for some of it because he could not stop explaining, and Kyra told him twice that he was going to go over the edge, and Val laughed — out loud, at something Ilen said about a notation, in the open, for the first time that anybody at Corran Vayr had heard her do it.

Behind them, nine miles south and just visible from the top of the north range, a ship went up from Hessen Point.

None of them looked at it. Nobody ever did.

· · ·

That was the end of their first year.

There would be others, and things would happen in them that neither of these two young women could have been made to believe on that particular afternoon in the north yard. There would be a great deal of ordinary life first — three more years at the Vayr, and careers, and cycles, and men whose names would matter enormously at the time. Novi would marry in the spring and be radiantly happy for a very long while. Vaedom Sorin would lose a seat and then win it back. Ilen Vosse would spend two years in a basement with four thousand years of unread notation and would come out of it, eventually, with something to say.

And a long way after that, in a yard above a coast, nineteen people would board a grown lattice-vessel on a survey mission that everybody expected to come back.

But that was later, and this is not that story.

On that afternoon there were three first-years walking up a cold path arguing about fold notation, in the finest year of the finest age their world had ever known, on a planet with a bay and a fog that came in before dawn and went out by ten.

Above them the sky was doing what the sky did.

Nobody on Sethal had ever called it Andromeda. There was no reason to; you do not name the room you are standing in. That word belonged to a small wet world two and a half million light years away, where somebody had once looked up at a faint smudge of light and given it a name out of a story.

Two of the three would learn that word eventually.

They would use it, for four hundred and nineteen years, every time they meant *home.*

*— end of book one —*

---

## Part Two — Detailed Summary

### Premise

*The Quiet* is the origin story of the two women who, four hundred and nineteen years later, will be hiding in a small town in Oregon. It is set entirely on Sethal, in the first year Val Sorin and Kyra Davan know each other — and it is, deliberately, the story of how they came to loathe one another, and of the single morning that undid it.

Nothing in it is science fiction in the usual sense. Ships go up from the yards at Hessen Point eleven times a day and nobody on the shore road bothers to watch. The book's subject is two eighteen-year-olds, one biological event that each of them handles in secret, and the difference between refusing a thing and getting out of its way. The novel's last pages note that nobody on Sethal had ever called the sky *Andromeda* — you do not name the room you are standing in — and that two of the three friends walking up a cold path at the end of it would spend four centuries using that word to mean *home*.

### Setting

**Aventhal** — a city that climbs in terraces from a bay, four thousand years old, fog off the water before dawn and gone by ten. **Corran Vayr** — out past the headland on a promontory, two thousand years a monastery, a shipyard office and a school before becoming, without anyone deciding it, the finest research university on the planet. Its buildings are deliberately unimpressive; everything that matters there is underneath.

Two of its houses carry the book. **Polaris** is where you are taught the governing of a world as a craft, seats first-years by house rank, and is very beautiful. **Solara** has no rankings, seats nobody by anything, and serves dinner in a hall with the acoustics of a stone drum.

### The quiet and the parade

The novel turns on one piece of Sethal biology and the two things a person may do about it.

A **cycle** announces itself months out, unmistakably, and must be resolved. A person may resolve it at a **parade**: a ceremony four thousand years old that takes twenty minutes and has no officiant. The two families stand along opposite walls, the two people walk in separately, each says the same eleven words, and then the room asks them *in unison* whether they are willing — and they say yes, or they do not. Or a person may take **the quiet**: go to a room above a shop, give a name to a woman at a desk who writes it down without looking up, and be asked, twice, whether anybody is waiting for them.

Both are entirely ordinary and thousands do each every year. The argument about them — whether the parade is about being answerable or about needing an audience for your own biology — is the argument the two protagonists have, viciously, before either has any idea what the other has done.

### Principal characters

- **Vaelith Sorin** — eighteen, Polaris. Daughter of a well-known politician, with a name that rearranges strangers' shoulders when she says it. Trained since childhood in saying very little. Formidably fast on a hill and entirely unable to say a thing she does not mean.
- **Kyra Davan** — eighteen, Solara. Loud, warm, physically fearless, easily and widely loved. Descended, through about nine marriages, from Sorren Dael — the man who four thousand years ago got further than anybody ever has and did not come back. She has never worked out how to love anyone back.
- **Vaedom Sorin** — Val's father. A man whose entire political method is the appearance of someone who has not considered the impression he is making. Checks the time every ninety seconds. Keeps every word he gives her, which turns out to be the cruellest thing about him.
- **Novi Sorin** — Val's sister, sixteen, delighted and much harder to lie to than anyone expects. She has been planning her own parade since she was eleven.
- **Teor Casse** — nineteen, the arranged match. Tall, slightly too thin, visibly rehearsed, and far kinder than the situation requires.
- **Emrin Solveth** — Kyra's partner. Accepts things. Would rather have the true small thing than the whole thing made up.
- **Ilen Vosse** — Solara, obsessed with the range limit on folds, hopeless at most human business and patient in a way almost nobody is. Believes Sorren Dael did not make a mistake but did something on purpose and could not tell anyone.
- **Rhone Tellis** — fourth-year cross-country captain, twenty-two, with the flat unbothered manner of a man who has spent three years listening to people explain why they are the exception.
- **Sarai Kest** — Polaris, never once unkind, which is what makes it worse.

### Chapter-by-chapter

**I. The Height of the World** — Intake day on the promontory, in the finest year of the finest age Sethal has ever known, which nobody says at the time. Val arrives in her father's car, which is a mistake she recognizes two miles out, carrying a badly wrapped parcel from Novi. In the intake queue a fast hand catches the parcel before it falls, and a girl gives her name — Kyra Davan — and Val gives hers, and *nothing happens*. For the first time in her life the name does nothing to a stranger's face. Val has wanted that more than nearly anything, and she waits for the recognition anyway, about two seconds too long, and Kyra sees her do it. Asked pleasantly whether it was supposed to mean something, Val answers in her father's hearing-room voice: *not if you're not from here.* Kyra's grin does not go away, which is worse, and she steps out of the queue and is heard laughing from forty feet away eleven minutes later. Neither woman can ever explain the morning properly afterward; Kyra's version is that she was looked at like a servant who had spoken first, and Val's is that she had been rude, with the rest left out because the rest is worse.

**II. Polaris and Solara** — Val is put in a room she did not ask for, on the floor she did not ask for, and meets Sarai Kest, who asks the first honest question of the day: is it strange, everyone knowing. Novi's parcel turns out to hold a badly carved sleeping kelith, clearly weeks of work and objectively terrible, with no note because Novi knew there needn't be one. It stays on the windowsill for four years. In Solara, Kyra meets Ilen Vosse mid-sentence about the range limit, is asked within a minute whether she's *that* Davan, and deflects it at the usual small cost. Ilen does not laugh; he tells her plainly that Dael got further than anybody and that he does not believe it was a mistake. In the courtyard on the fourth evening, a group is being cruel about a public figure who took the quiet four days before a parade, and a voice out of the dark corrects them: it isn't about the audience, it's about being answerable in front of the people who raised you. When someone points out that this is easy to say when your family's whole reputation is doing things properly, Kyra agrees that it's fair, and the subject slides away. Val, who has no opinion on the matter and has filed the entire subject behind the shore road bill, says nothing — and looks up to find Kyra assessing the one person in a loud group who stayed silent.

**III. Something Coming** — Val's cycle begins to turn, and it is exactly as unmistakable as everyone promised: less a symptom than a date being read out. She tells no one, and cannot say why the idea of announcing it makes her want to walk into the sea. Kyra, meanwhile, signs up for cross-country because there is a list on a wall, and tells Rhone Tellis she once ran eleven miles alongside a herd at the age of nine; he tells her six o'clock, don't be late, and don't tell him about the herd. Then Sarai, relaying her mother's letters as a public service, congratulates Val — for Teor Casse. There is an arrangement. Val's father and Vosen Casse settled it in the spring; the Casses have had it since the spring; everyone has had it since the spring; it is *not a secret*, it simply never reached her. Val gets her father on a link and he does not defend himself for a second, which is the worst part, and when she asks whether he would have asked her he considers the honest answer and gives it: *I don't know.* Four days later Novi's six-page letter arrives, full of professional questions about nerves and a diagram of her own seating plan, reporting that she has met Teor and liked him and will not apologize for liking him, and asking Val not to do the thing where she goes quiet. Val had thought the thing coming toward her was at least hers. It turns out there are two of them, and they have agreed on a date without her.

**IV. The Arrangement** — Val comes home to the narrow house on the eighth terrace and a long room upstairs where, she worked out at fifteen, being right that decisions are made there is not the same as being included. The Casses arrive: Vosen warm and funny and impossible to dislike, Teor visibly out of prepared material after four words. The evening is, by every measure, pleasant — no cruelty, nobody talking over her, her father listening to both of his own questions — and running underneath it like water under ice is the fact that two men agreed something in the spring and everyone at the table is pleased. Left alone on the back step on purpose, Teor sits lower than her deliberately and says the thing he has spent four months failing to find a good way to say: he wasn't asked either. He found out from his father in a corridor, asked to be the one to tell her, and assumed for four months that it had been done. He apologizes not for the arrangement but for the way she found out. Then he says the rest — that he has decided he is glad, not because he was told to be, that he won't pretend it's a love story but thinks they could make something decent, and that if she says no he will go into that house and tell them both that it was him, that he couldn't, because it costs him far less than it costs her. And Val understands with perfect horrible clarity that she has just been handed the way out and cannot take it, because he offered it *kindly*: there is now no version of refusing that does not require a decent boy to stand up and say an untrue thing about himself. He meant it as a gift. It closed the last door in the house. She leaves on the first coach, and Novi catches her at the door, unfooled, and asks what he said. *He was kind.* Novi points out that this is the good outcome, the one everyone hopes for, and asks why she looks like that — and Val has no answer, then or in the four centuries she spends assembling one, and never says the true one aloud: that in a house full of people who loved her, at a table where nothing unkind was said, she had wanted to get up and walk into the sea.

**V. The Quiet** — The date comes up from the two families in a letter addressed to her and plainly drafted by somebody else: late spring, the Casse house, a hundred and six names described as deliberately small, and a note that Novi has asked to be involved. It is, in every particular, agreeable. Val's cycle turns harder. Nothing hurts — her body has simply begun making a case, patiently and continuously, the way water makes a case against a wall. The decision is not a moment; it is more like noticing she has already been walking in a direction for some time. What she actually does is look it up, on a Fourthday afternoon in a public reading room with nine people working within twenty feet, and it takes four minutes, and nothing about it is hidden or difficult. You need only to be over eighteen. You are asked to bring someone if you can. She goes down on the Fifthday coach and turns left where she would have gone right. The room above the lamp shop has eleven chairs, and a woman at a desk who writes her name down the way you write anything down and asks whether she has eaten — the one kind of room on the whole of Sethal where the name does nothing. She has wanted that for most of her life, and she has it now. Asked whether anyone is waiting for her, and told it's just easier after, sometimes, she says there's no one. It is not true: there are four people within two hundred miles who would have come at any hour without a single question, and she has told none of them and knew before she boarded the coach that she wouldn't. What happens in the next room takes a little under two hours, and she never describes it to anyone — not her father, not Novi, not the woman she will spend four hundred and nineteen years beside, not on the night in the Carpathians when they tell each other everything else. She comes out at twenty past three into an ordinary afternoon and feels *well*, which is the thing nobody warned her about: the pressure simply stops, cleanly, the way a sound stops, and underneath that something goes out like a light in a window. She sits on the harbour wall for an hour, does not cry, takes the coach back up the coast, and answers two questions about the shore road bill at dinner. It is four days before anyone knows, and she spends the last four days of her old life attending lectures.

**VI. What a Sorin Does** — It comes out through a clerk. A parade of that formality has to be lodged, and the lodging requires a declaration that the cycle is unresolved; the declaration comes back invalid, with a line of text written by nobody in particular. By noon the Casse house knows, by two her father knows, and by the evening meal it has travelled two hundred miles, which is how Val learns that everyone has found out — from the specific quality of a room going quieter as she enters. The one thing she had controlled, she held to the end, and it was worth nothing. Her father comes up the coast and walks the sea wall with her, describes the coming months without a trace of self-pity, and then asks the single question he has chosen with care: *were you unwell?* He is not asking. He is offering to believe it — offering a version of the next four hundred years in which the whole thing is a sadness instead of a scandal. She says no. He says *I see*, and never raises it again, not that year, not in the seventy that follow, not on the morning she leaves the world; and she comes to understand much later that of everyone hurt that week her father was the only one who asked her a question with an answer she could live with, and she refused it out of something she wanted very badly to call honesty and was never entirely sure had been. Polaris House does not turn on her — it is far better bred than that. It becomes extremely polite, and in nine days she understands she has been placed in a kind of glass: she can see everyone, everyone can see her, nothing comes through. Sarai does the bravest and worst thing anyone does to her that month, coming to say in person that she is going to be less around, because her mother has asked her calmly to be careful and one of the three names she needs is a Casse cousin — and that she could have simply drifted, and came and said it instead, because drifting is what a coward does. She hears the word as it leaves her mouth and goes white. In Solara the story goes round the hall in an evening, and Kyra does not join in, and tells Ilen quietly what her objection actually is: not that Val refused, because refusing is allowed and is the whole point of a thing you agree to, but that she *didn't* refuse — she got out of the way of it, let the invitations go out, and told not one person. Novi's letter arrives on the fourteenth day and is one page, which Novi has never written in her life. She will not ask why, because she would rather have nothing than something true and careful that isn't the reason. The seating chart is in the fire, and she says so precisely to make clear she is not being brave about it. And then the only thing she actually wants to say: they ask if there's anyone, they ask twice, and Val sat in that room and said no — *I would have come with you. I would have got on any coach at any hour. That is the part I cannot get past.* Val reads it standing by the window, puts it in the drawer with the others, does not write back, and eleven days later starts going out at four in the morning to run the cliff path until she cannot breathe. She does it eleven mornings running. On the twelfth she goes and finds Rhone Tellis.

**VII. Asking Rhone Tellis** — You do not join the cross-country team in the eleventh week of a fifteen-week season. Rhone lists the reasons without looking up: three meets run, three left, the entire base build missed, two hundred accountable miles from everyone else and nothing accountable from her. She says she has done about ninety, in the dark, at four in the morning, which gets her a look. His only offer is now — out to the second marker and back, just the two of them. He says nothing for fifty-one minutes, holds a pace she can just hold, and puts in a climb two miles from home that hurts in a way she has not been hurt before. She stays with him, and somewhere on the climb it stops being about the team: for fifty-one minutes she has not thought about a clerk or a seating chart or *I would have come with you*, which is the longest stretch she has managed. He asks where she learned to climb like that, tells her she is not fit and will be a liability for a month and will go backwards at the fourth meet because everyone does, and gives her six o'clock. The next morning he tells thirty people in the dark, and Kyra says *no* — not shouting, not enjoying it — and makes the fair case: Meret has been out since the first week and run every session and isn't going to the Headland, Adren does the long route on a bad ankle and isn't going, and someone walks in at the eleventh week and goes straight into the squad because she's — and the quarter-second pause before *fast* is heard by everyone in the yard. Rhone answers that she is fast, that this is his whole job, that he does not run a fairness competition, and that a decent case argued at half past five in front of thirty people is probably arguing something else. Val hangs off the back of thirty genuinely competent people, then goes with the front four when the group breaks — not out of ambition but because running at the front is one of the very few activities that makes the dark thing behind her sternum shut up. She holds them two miles and finishes four hundred yards down with her hands shaking. Kyra, long since finished, tells her it was actually stupid: she'll be wrecked for three days, Rhone will have to nurse her through it, and there is a difference between hurting yourself and getting better that feels identical from the inside and somebody should have told her. It is the single most useful thing anyone says to Val all term, and she hears it as an insult.

**VIII. Cowardice Dressed as Principle** — At Coldwater, Val leads for two and a half miles, magnificently, and then the door closes: not a fade but her legs ceasing to answer near the top of the second climb. She finishes forty-first of sixty with no memory of the last half mile. Corran Vayr loses by nine points. Kyra finishes fourth. On the coach Rhone crouches by her seat and is careful to say he is not angry before saying the rest: she has more engine than anyone he has had in four years, and she keeps using it to hit herself with, and nobody can coach that. Two mornings later she turns up in the north yard on day two of a four-day rest, and Kyra challenges her, and Val — with eleven weeks of glass behind it and nowhere else for it to go — remarks that some people can't get through their own biology without a crowd watching. The yard goes quiet. Kyra does not go still; she slows down, all of her, which Val will learn over four centuries is the single most frightening thing about her. She crouches to Val's level and never once raises her voice, and eleven people hear every word. She could have refused him out loud with her own mouth and taken what came, because refusing has been allowed for four thousand years and if you cannot say no then the yes means nothing. She didn't refuse — she got out of the way, let a hundred and six invitations go out, sat in a room above a shop alone and went to her dinner, and a boy she'd met four times found out from a clerk. *That's not a principle. A principle is a thing you stand next to.* She adds that she has heard people call Val cold all term and doesn't believe it — there is a furnace in there and she keeps shovelling herself into it. Then she says she thinks Val is a coward who has found a way to make it look like principle. And then she *waits* — a full four seconds, not rhetorically, genuinely wanting to be told she is wrong. Val says nothing, because every argument she was trained to make is lined up and useless, none of them being true, and she discovers she cannot say a thing she does not mean. It is the most honest four seconds of her youth and it looks exactly like guilt. Kyra is sick about it by the second marker — not sorry, she is clear with herself on the distinction — and tells Ilen the reason she has a face on is that Val didn't argue. Rhone, having thought about it for two days, concludes that whatever is wrong between them is not his to fix, and puts Davan and Sorin fifth and sixth in the first pace group. They run the long route together four hundred yards ahead of everyone else for eleven miles, side by side, and do it again for eighteen consecutive mornings, and become the two fastest runners the Vayr has put on the Headland course in nine years, and do not speak.

**IX. The Grind** — There is a particular silence available to two people running at six in the morning, and it is not hostile, because hostility takes attention and eleven miles at that pace leaves none. By the second week Kyra knows things about Val that probably nobody on the planet knows: that she is better going up than coming down and works on it, that her form goes first in the left shoulder two miles before anything else shows, that she counts something under her breath in threes on the long climb. And she knows, from Val being changed and stretched and waiting at twenty past five every morning for eighteen days, that whatever is going on has nothing to do with the Headland — because Kyra wants to win very much and gets up at ten to six like a normal person. Kyra's parents write four pages, three of them about the range trials at Hessen Point, where a fourth-order coupling held eleven seconds longer than the model said it should; the fourth page hopes she is settling in. It is a warm letter from two people who love her, have no idea what she does with her days, and have never once in eighteen years asked her a second question about anything. Then, on a greasy path in the third week, Val comes apart on the long route — no drama, just a runner becoming a person moving badly — and goes down on her hands and knees in the wet. Kyra comes back. She does not decide to; her legs turn her round and take her back forty yards, the same thing that happened at nine years old on the flats and has been happening ever since. She crouches, opens the tin from her belt, and says *eat it*, and watches a girl she called a coward in front of eleven people chew through four squares of pressed fruit with shaking hands, waving the pack on past. They walk the last mile and a quarter in silence; at the gate Val begins to thank her and is told it's four squares of fruit. Eleven days later the Vayr wins at Ellory by two points, and neither can quite explain how. What happened is that Kyra, sitting fourth at the mile, thought wordlessly *this is too fast and they'll come back to us at the water*, and eased very slightly — and behind her, without a word or a glance, Val eased with her. They ran a mile and a half at a pace neither had discussed and went past the entire front group on the inside at the water crossing like a door swinging open, and the sound Val made going by was a laugh. Then, on the coach, nineteen days of silence break over a technical question: the section after the second marker looks like it climbs and doesn't, and Val has run it eleven times and never got it right. It's the wind, Kyra says — straight off the water at your left shoulder for six hundred yards, and you want to drop your left arm and come off the seaward edge by about a yard and a half, not more, because there's a lip. Twenty-one words about a wind. Neither of them, in the four hundred and nineteen years that follow, ever remembers it as the moment anything changed, and they are both wrong.

**X. The Herds** — North of the Davan house the land goes flat for eleven miles and twice a year the arun come through it, four hundred thousand of them, a low pressure in the ground before anything else. Kyra ran with them at nine and got eleven miles before they lost her, which she told people about for the rest of her life. What she did not tell people about was the young one at the back with something wrong with its off hind, losing ground steadily. She had expected, with total childish confidence, that the herd would slow, or circle, or register it at all. It did not. The young one dropped off the back of them like a coat off a chair. She stayed — all afternoon and through the dark, six feet away with her arms round her knees, with no water and nothing to give it and no idea what she was doing, because she was nine. It died a little after dawn, forty miles behind the herd. Her father carried her home and told her kindly and correctly that nothing could have been done and that staying had made no difference at all. He was right, and she knew it then and for the next four hundred and nineteen years, and she stayed anyway, every time, for the rest of her life. Then her own cycle turns — eleven days before the Headland, about four months early. She is not frightened; she has been looking forward to the parade since she was eleven, not the biology but the room, the people, her mother's family along one wall as they have stood for four thousand years, her father crying, Emrin nervous in a good coat. She has a date eight days after term. Four months early is no problem at all: cycles move, you tell the physician and your house, the date gets moved, everyone is understanding — and you are taken out of anything strenuous immediately as a matter of ordinary care. The arithmetic takes four seconds. Telling anybody means not running the Headland. *Eleven days*, she thinks, and says nothing. Emrin comes up on the Fifthday coach — five hours each way for six hours in the middle, without being asked and without making anything of it — and asks about the Sorin girl, and Kyra is quiet slightly too long before saying she is the fastest thing in the squad including her, and she just doesn't know it yet. At the coach, with his bag already on his shoulder so he has built himself an exit, he says he loves her. And Kyra, widely and easily loved her whole life and never once able to do the sum in the other direction, tells the truth at whatever cost: she is not going to say it back, she likes him enormously and won't dress it up as the other thing because he'd know within a month and then have both the disappointment and the lie, and he deserves to stand at the other end of that room beside somebody who feels what he feels. He tells her what he would have hated is her saying it back — he would rather have the true small thing. And at no point in those eleven days does it occur to her that she is doing a smaller, quieter version of the exact thing she crouched down and called cowardice. It occurs to her at about the four-mile mark of the Headland, ninety seconds before she goes down.

**XI. The Last Meet** — The Headland is the only thing the whole university comes out for: six and a quarter miles on a windy promontory, a top section in full view of the ridge, two hundred and six years of it, and Ellory have won nine years running. Val sees her father at the back of the crowd near the second gate, on his own, in a coat she recognizes — he has not written to say he was coming and would have considered it a form of pressure. He raises one hand about four inches and does not smile. She also sees Teor Casse further up the slope, not looking for her, looking at the course, and understands that he has come up from the city to stand on a cold ridge for eleven minutes and watch a girl who humiliated his family run a race. The first two miles of the Headland are a lie, and both of them run it exactly as Rhone drew it on a wall: fifth and sixth, four seconds down, letting Ellory work into the wind. The climb takes eleven people out of the race; nine are left at the top and two are from the Vayr. Then Kyra, at four and a half miles with the wind at her left shoulder exactly where she told Val it would be, moving as well as she has ever moved, feels something go wrong under her ribs. It does not hurt — it is worse than hurting: a very large door far back in the building of herself coming open, and everything behind it arriving at once in a body running five-minute miles into a headwind. Her stride shortens without being told to. And then, with the appalling precision of a thing that has waited eleven days for the worst possible moment: *you did not tell anybody.* She sees the north yard. She sees herself crouched in front of a girl on a wall saying *a principle is a thing you stand next to*. She has known for eleven days, read the reference and closed it and gone to training, stood on gravel and told a boy the exact truth about her heart and not told him this. It is the same thing, smaller and quieter and hers. She gets about ninety seconds of that, and then it takes her, and her legs stop being anything to do with her. She is on the grass at the edge of the path with somebody's spikes going past very close to her head — forty feet below two thousand people, in the middle of the only eleven minutes of the year the entire university stands on a ridge and watches, doing in public the thing a person is supposed to do in a room with the people who raised her. She hears the noise change, all at once, the way a flock turns. She gets one hand up, probably trying to wave off the marshals and stewards and physician and Rhone and Emrin who will all arrive at once and lift her up in front of everybody; she would rather be left on the grass to be trampled by the second pack. Forty yards up the path, running third, Val hears the crowd change and does not know what it means, because nobody at the front ever does. Two strides later she realizes she can no longer hear the breathing that has been on her shoulder for a mile and a half — eighteen consecutive mornings of it, better known to her than most people's voices. She looks back. She is running the best race of her life in front of her father with the Ellory three ahead of her and the top of the course a hundred and forty yards away. She would say afterward that she thought about it for a long time, that she weighed it. It was one and a half strides.

**XII. Out of Sight** — Running back down a course against sixty people is not a thing anyone has practiced. It takes eleven seconds to cover forty yards through a wall of noise and elbows and spikes, and she remembers every one of them. Val does not kneel down and does not say Kyra's name. She stands over her facing the ridge, back to the crowd, feet apart and arms slightly out, putting her own body between Kyra and two thousand people — and the first thing out of her mouth is not *are you all right* but *how much can you move. Tell me the number.* Arms, not much. That's enough. She reads the ground the way you read a room for exits: nine feet of turf, the path, and the seaward edge — and below it the lip Kyra herself told her about on the coach. Eleven feet. If they get her over it, nobody on that ridge can see her. Can she take some of her own weight? A bit. *Then take a bit.* It is not graceful and not gentle: nine feet in four seconds, then Kyra's legs go entirely and the rest is a hard ugly scraping drag with Val walking backwards and somebody in the second pack shouting at them to get off the course, and both of them go over the edge in a tangle that hurts them both. And then they are eleven feet below the path and nobody can see them, because the geometry of a hillside does not care how many people are standing on it. Val goes back up to the lip and meets the first marshal: she is not injured, it is an early cycle onset, she needs the physician and nobody else — not the stewards, not the coach, not anyone from her house. He is to go back up, stop the second marshal and the steward before they come over the edge, and then stand on the path where he is visible and look extremely bored. Because if one bored man stands on a path, two thousand people will decide nothing is happening and go back to the race; if four people come down at once, every one of them will watch this hillside for twenty minutes. He is nineteen and was handed a coloured band that morning, and he does exactly as told, and is in fact extremely convincing. Val comes back down and sits on her heels and does nothing at all, which is the correct thing and the hardest. The physician comes, does the little there is to do, and says out loud four separate times in a flat calm voice that this is survivable and ordinary. Kyra says *everybody saw.* About four seconds of it, Val tells her, and then a bored man stood on a path; they saw a runner go down, runners go down at the Headland every year, and by the coaches they will have decided it was an ankle because that is what people decide. *How do you know all this?* Val stops. *I've thought about it.* And Kyra, lying on her back at the worst moment of her life, understands that Val has spent some considerable unaccounted-for portion of three months working out exactly how one person gets another out of sight of a crowd — the ground, the sightlines, what to say to a marshal, how long two thousand people take to look away — and that she had not been doing it as a kindness to anybody, because there had been nobody to be kind to. She had been doing it for herself, in a room in Marden, at four in the morning, for eleven weeks. Just in case. Neither of them says any of that. Then Val says there's someone coming down the path, it's the Solveth boy — and asks the question: *is there anyone you want?* She hears the shape of it as it leaves her, and the room it came out of: eleven chairs above a lamp shop, and a woman who asked twice out of ordinary kindness, and her own voice saying *there's no one.* Kyra says *yes* — just that, no hesitation, no arithmetic, the easiest word in the language said by somebody for whom it has apparently always been easy. *Get him.* Val fetches Emrin, brings him down over the lip, and climbs back up to stand on the path in the wind in her race number with her arms folded, facing outward, while below her a boy who came five hours up the coast that morning puts his coat over the girl he loves. Ellory win for the tenth consecutive year; the Vayr come fourth. Rhone finds her at the coaches and tells her she was third and would have been second, and that he has thought about that race every day since he was fifteen, and that what she did was the second-best thing he has ever seen anybody do on that hill. They never talk about the hillside — not that evening, not that week, not in the eleven years after or the four hundred and nineteen beyond them. It is not avoidance and never awkward; there is simply nothing either could say about it that would not make it smaller, and both understand this at once and never mention it. Four centuries later, on a rock above a lake on the wrong side of the universe, Kyra will put her head on Val's shoulder and neither will mention it then either.

**XIII. The Parade** — The invitation happens at the coaches in about nine seconds while forty people carry boxes past: there's a thing, eight days, the Solveth house because the Davan house is too small and her mother is furious about it. *You should come. Come or don't.* Val goes home for the eight days, which she had not planned to do, and Novi mentions none of it — not the letters, not the Casses, not the chart in the fire — and talks the whole way up from the harbour about a boy who did something unforgivable with a boat. Only on the third evening does she ask why Val is going, and Val gives the only answer she has, which is that she doesn't know, and Novi observes that it's the first true thing she's said since the eighth month and goes back to her book. The Solveth house is on the second terrace, not large, six hundred years in one family without anybody ever having enough money to ruin it. A hundred and forty people come, all the doors open, the noise of a family rather than a function. Kyra's mother turns out to be small and quick and imperious, fixes Val with a look, says *you're the runner — she wrote about you, twice*, and goes off to shout at somebody about chairs. Kyra's father cries three times before anything starts. The public part takes twenty minutes and is almost entirely standing: two families along opposite walls, the two people walking in separately, the same eleven words, and then the room asking in unison whether they are willing — which goes through Val like cold water. Kyra comes in and is not particularly beautiful; she is pale, unrecovered, nine days of a bad fortnight in her face. She walks to the middle, stands in front of a hundred and forty people with her chin up and her hands loose, and looks slowly around all four walls, meeting people's eyes, *letting* them look, one at a time. And Val finally understands the thing she has been failing to understand since the first-week courtyard: it was never about the audience. Kyra Davan decided somewhere in her childhood that she would rather be seen entirely than be safe — and nine days after being seen entirely by two thousand people in the worst way it is possible to be seen, she came into this room and did it again on purpose. When the room asks the question as one voice, Val's mouth moves with it and no sound comes out. Afterward Teor finds her in the garden with two glasses, says he isn't going to make a scene and she can stop going straight-backed, and that he had seven months of material down to four minutes and won't use any of it. He has one question. He offered on her step to go in and say it was him, and meant it, and has never regretted offering — *why wouldn't you let me?* Not *why did you refuse me*; he never once asked that, and has absorbed the refusal completely. He is asking why she walked past the one door anybody held open for her. And Val, far too late and in entirely the wrong garden, finds the answer sitting underneath eleven weeks of glass and eighteen mornings and a hillside: because then it would have been his, and he'd have carried it and she'd have watched him carry it and owed him for the rest of her life, and she would rather be ruined on her own than helped in front of people. What she says is *because you'd have been kind about it.* He tells her that isn't an answer. She agrees, says she has just found the real one about four seconds ago, and will not give it to him, because he would forgive her for it and she doesn't think she could stand that. He accepts it, which is the last kind thing he ever does for her, tells her she runs very well, and goes back inside. They never speak again; he marries someone from Ellory eleven years later, has four children, and lives to be four hundred and six, and Val learns none of it, because by then she is on the wrong planet still working out how to say the thing she found in a garden and swallowed. Kyra catches her at the gate, leaning on the gatepost, exhausted and enormously pleased with herself, and asks whether she's at the Vayr over the break. The cliff path is a swamp until the eighth month but the inland loop is all right if you go early. How early? Six. *That's not early.* No, Kyra agrees. It isn't. Twenty-nine words about a training route, at a gate, on the evening of the most important thing Kyra will ever do on Sethal — and Val walks down toward the water feeling, for the first time since the Thirdday morning, very slightly less alone, and could not have told you why, and would have found the suggestion that she had just made a friend faintly ridiculous.

**XIV. The Archive** — Corran Vayr in the break is one of the better places in the world and almost nobody knows it. Four hundred people stay out of nine thousand; the libraries keep absurd hours because the people who stay want absurd hours; it rains eleven days and then goes cold and clear for a month. They run the inland loop at six — not every morning, Kyra being four weeks off a bad thing and Val for once not arguing about a rest day — and by the end of the break they have run about three hundred miles together and said perhaps nine thousand words, almost all about running. Some are not. Around the eighth mile Kyra asks whether the Casse boy writes, and whether Val would answer, and then insists on saying the thing she will otherwise say in ten years when it's worse: she doesn't think Val is a coward, she thinks she is the most frightened person she has ever met, which isn't the same thing, and she said the wrong word in front of eleven people and has thought about it every day since the Headland. Val runs two hundred yards and says *that's worse.* Kyra says she thought about that too. It is as close as either of them ever comes to an apology, in four hundred and nineteen years, in either direction. Val writes to Novi on the fourteenth day, after four attempts: two pages of weather and the loop and a description of Kyra's mother she knows will make Novi laugh, and then, in different ink because she put it down and picked it up hours later, that Novi was right and she has thought about it every day and cannot explain it but did not want Novi to think she hadn't understood — *I should have let you come.* Novi's answer comes back in six days, eleven pages, and does not mention it at all, which is the entire point. Then Ilen arrives in the north yard having run most of the way from the drive faculty: the Dael archive, all of it, four thousand years in a city archive where nobody could read a fold notation, is being transferred to the Vayr — and he has been given the lowest possible junior place on it, transcribing for two years with no right to an opinion, and does not care even slightly. Kyra laughs until she has to wipe her eyes at the idea of her however-many-times-great-grandfather's notes being handed to somebody who looks like he's been given a planet, hits him on the shoulder the way she hits people she likes, and says she'll write to her mother about it — who may be so pleased that she writes back a letter entirely about Kyra. Val, changing her shoes on the wall, asks the question: what was he actually trying to do? Get further, Ilen says, dismissively, as though it were the easy part. He had a range limit and wanted to beat it and thought he'd found a way to fold past it, and went and tried it. *And it killed him.* It put him somewhere, Ilen says, which is different — he keeps telling people that and they keep hearing the same thing. Is the way he found in the archive? Probably; that's rather the point of an archive. They walk up to the range together in the cold, Ilen talking the whole way and walking backwards for some of it because he cannot stop explaining, Kyra telling him twice he's going over the edge, and Val laughing out loud, in the open, for the first time anyone at Corran Vayr has heard her do it. Behind them a ship goes up from Hessen Point, and none of them look at it, because nobody ever did. There will be three more years, and careers, and cycles, and men whose names will matter enormously at the time; Novi will marry in the spring and be radiantly happy for a long while; Vaedom will lose a seat and win it back; Ilen will spend two years in a basement with four thousand years of unread notation and come out with something to say. And a long way after that, nineteen people will board a grown lattice-vessel on a survey mission everybody expects to come back. But that is later, and this is not that story. On that afternoon there are three first-years walking up a cold path arguing about fold notation, in the finest year of the finest age their world has ever known. Nobody on Sethal had ever called the sky above them Andromeda; there was no reason to, because you do not name the room you are standing in. That word belonged to a small wet world two and a half million light years away, where somebody had once looked up at a faint smudge and named it out of a story. Two of the three would learn the word eventually, and would use it for four hundred and nineteen years, every time they meant *home.*

### Themes and structure

**Refusing versus getting out of the way.** The book's moral spine is Kyra's distinction, delivered as an insult and later proved against herself: refusing is allowed, has been for four thousand years, and is the entire point of a thing you agree to — but Val did not refuse, she got out of the way of it. The novel then spends four chapters arranging for Kyra to commit a smaller, quieter version of exactly that, and to recognize it mid-race, ninety seconds before her body takes the decision away from her.

**Being seen versus being safe.** Val has organized her life around never being looked at; Kyra decided as a child that she would rather be seen entirely. The parade and the quiet are the two institutional forms of that choice, and the book refuses to rank them — it simply shows what each costs. The climax inverts both: Kyra is seen in the worst possible way, and Val, the one person who understands exactly what that is, is the only one who knows how to make it stop.

**The help you cannot take.** Three people hold a door open — Teor offering to take the blame, Novi offering to come, the woman at the desk asking twice — and Val walks past all three. Teor's question in the garden names it precisely, and the answer she finds four seconds too late is the novel's real thesis about her: she would rather be ruined alone than helped in public. That it took four centuries and a different planet to get past is the thread this book hands forward.

**The herd that does not stop.** Kyra's defining memory is of four hundred thousand animals declining to notice one of their own falling behind, and of a nine-year-old staying anyway with nothing to give and no effect on the outcome. Her father was right that it made no difference. The Headland is the day the gesture finally works, and the person who performs it is not Kyra.

**Preparation as a symptom.** Val's eleven weeks of working out sightlines and marshals and how long a crowd takes to look away is the book's most quietly devastating detail — contingency planning for a humiliation she was not going to let anyone witness, done for an audience of one, and spent in the end on somebody else.

**Eleven.** The number runs through the book like a watermark — eleven miles, eleven weeks, eleven chairs, eleven people, eleven days, eleven feet below the path, eleven words at a parade — binding the biology, the institutions and the two women's private arithmetic into a single pattern.

**A prequel that withholds.** Nearly everything the series will later be about is present here as something nobody looks at: the ships going up from Hessen Point that no one watches, Ilen's conviction that Dael was *put somewhere* rather than killed, and an archive about to be opened by the one person who can read it. The book's last move is to name its own title from the outside — Andromeda being a word from a small wet world nobody in it has heard of yet.